The Righteous Eat to Satisfy Their Soul: Emotional Eating - Final Article in the Series

After learning in previous articles to identify the problem - the emotional struggle that leads us to uncontrolled eating, it is important to prepare alternatives in advance that can address the emotional need when it arises. When we identify an emotion that makes us feel bad and triggers the need to relax, we must address this need so that we don't revert to the harmful default of eating.

We should try to make a list of alternatives: listening to music, a phone call with a friend or family member, studying, walking, gardening, a hobby, and so on. These are actions that can be performed immediately upon recognizing a negative emotion that might lead us to emotional eating.

When we feel the need to resort to emotional eating, we can turn to the list and find an appropriate response for the moment, allowing us to replace the automatic response with a more positive and healthier one.

Small Slices

Here, it's crucial to emphasize a key point that can make the difference between success and failure: if we have been accustomed to emotional eating for many years, the chances of overcoming it at once are very slim. The process of detoxification and liberation from emotional eating is gradual, naturally accompanied by small successes and small failures.

The problem arises when we adopt a dichotomous thinking, seeing the world in black and white - either we succeed, or we fail. Given that there is little chance of complete, crushing success, dichotomous thinking leaves only one option: failure.

However, in truth, the world is not painted in black and white. Between black and white, there are many shades of gray, whose value is significant indeed. Even if we don't completely eliminate emotional eating, but manage to reduce its dimensions and prevent it from entirely taking over our eating patterns, it is already a significant achievement of great importance!

Therefore, it is important to progress in gradual steps. Not aspiring to eliminate emotional eating entirely, but to reduce it. To appreciate every success, even the smallest one. The appreciation of these small steps is what will allow us to reach more significant and meaningful steps in the course of the process and not be deterred by the small failures along the way.

We must consider in advance that there will always be failures. This is the way of humans: to advance two steps - and retreat one, and so on. There is no quicker way, entirely devoid of failures. But in the end, the small advancements, combined with perseverance, determination, and patience will lead us to the meaningful goals we strive for.

As long as we manage to maintain hope, we can continue striving towards the goal we have set for ourselves and eventually reach it. The real danger is when we lose hope, which usually happens when we initially generate unrealistic hopes, thereby denying ourselves the chance to ever succeed.

We will replace the inner voice saying, "I must immediately get rid of emotional eating!", with a more moderate and balanced voice saying, "It will be great if I manage to get rid of emotional eating, and to that end, I am starting with steps that will eventually lead me to this goal! The more I reduce my emotional eating, the more satisfied I will be, and indeed, I believe I can be in a continuous process of gradual improvement!".

This way, we can progress at our own pace, find satisfaction in successes, and not be intimidated by failures until we finally achieve the goal we are striving for...

Hunger Is Not an Enemy

It's important to emphasize: The purpose of all that's been said so far is not to lead anyone to reduce their food and settle for less than their body requires. It is important for a person to eat good, nutritious meals that fully meet their needs, but this can be done in a respectful manner, not through small, unhealthy snacking that brings no benefit but only harm.

Moreover, it's appropriate to give food the respect it deserves: not to eat while reading a newspaper or reviewing documents that have just arrived in the mail. This behavior is often mistakenly seen as "time management," but in truth, it leads to unconscious eating and usually excessive eating beyond a person's needs.

Indeed, as the wisest of all men teaches (Proverbs 13:25): "The righteous eat to satisfy their soul, but the stomach of the wicked is in want." The righteous use food to fulfill the physiological needs of their body, to maintain their health and provide what is necessary for their daily functioning. This is positive, beneficial eating, suitable for the righteous. In contrast, the wicked feel as if they lack a stomach, as it cannot contain everything they want to put into it.

Another point: It's important to learn to "embrace" hunger. For instance, occasionally delaying mealtime by a few minutes, and during this interval, feeling the hunger without distracting from it. The sensation of hunger is also part of the range of feelings we experience, and although it is not pleasant, there is no need to be afraid of it. The more we delay responding to hunger, the more we communicate to our brain that hunger is simply unpleasant but not life-threatening - there is life after hunger. Hunger is just hunger, nothing more!

Starving oneself is not an ideal, but we can certainly forego the fear of hunger. When we learn, when necessary, to dwell in a state of hunger without feeling obligated to immediately respond when it arises, we strengthen our self-discipline muscles and evoke a sense of satisfaction and control that rewards us emotionally as well.

It is crucial to clarify: this does not mean waiting every time until we are hungry and only then eating... quite the contrary! The "Chatam Sofer" (Sanhedrin 107a) writes that one should avoid approaching a meal out of hunger, as this approach leads to excessive eating, but rather eat at fixed, organized times to avoid what is called "binge eating," or in other words, "gluttonous eating."

Let us, therefore, aim for correct eating, purposeful eating, eating that brings us closer, at least to some degree, to the level of "eating for the sake of heaven," about which our sages said in the Gemara (Berachot 55a): "As long as the Temple was standing, the altar would atone for Israel. Now, a person's table atones for them."