What Do You Gain from Your Limiting Beliefs?

The Argentine writer Jorge Damián wrote a wonderful story about a circus elephant. The story illustrates how much we are trapped in paradigms that dictate what we can do and what is impossible for us according to our perception, based on our belief system and experiences ingrained in our memory.

Here is the well-known story: When I was young, I loved the circus. I especially loved the animals, and among all the animals, I loved the elephant.

During the show, this giant creature displayed its skills.

During the break between performances, the elephant was tied by a chain to a stake driven into the ground. The stake was nothing but a small piece of wood, with just a few centimeters stuck in the ground.

Despite the heavy and strong chain, it was clear to me that the animal, which could easily uproot an entire tree, could easily pull the small stake out of the ground and escape.

The mystery was clear and obvious: what holds him there?

When I asked, they said the elephant doesn't run away because he's a trained elephant.

I asked the obvious question: if he's trained, then why tie him at all?

I don't remember receiving a logical answer.

Over time, I forgot the mystery of the elephant and the stake, but a few years ago, I met someone who knew the answer: "The elephant doesn't run away because he has been tied to a similar stake since he was very young."

I closed my eyes and imagined the little calf, moment after it was born...

I'm sure back then the calf pushed, pulled, sweated, and did everything to break free, but in vain!

The stake was stronger than him.

I'm ready to swear that the calf fell asleep exhausted from all the efforts, only to wake up the next day to try again, and the day after that, and the one after that.

Until the day came, a terrible day in the calf's life, when he accepted his helplessness and resigned to his fate.

Moral of the story: the strong and big elephant we see in the circus doesn't run away, because he believes he can't. He remembers his inability, the feeling of helplessness he internalized shortly after birth.

The most dreadful thing is, he never really doubted this trait. He never tried to test his strength again...

And now a recommendation: make a list of those things you believe you can't do, and do something different every day from the "can't" list.

Thus ends Jorge Damián's story.

Let's reconsider our strengths. What we couldn't do in the past doesn't reflect our abilities and capacities today.

The first step is identifying limiting beliefs.

Take a topic you want to realize in life, and examine your beliefs around it.

Sit with a notebook and pen and write down the beliefs that come up.

"At my age, it's hard to lose weight," or "Nothing I do will help," "I have no persistence," "I can't succeed."

It's important to understand that most of our beliefs have a root belief. This is a fundamental core belief we adopted at an early stage in our life. These basic beliefs relate to our self-identity.

Perhaps what's behind your beliefs is the belief "I am not worthy," "I don't deserve it," "No one truly loves me."

Now think about this with excitement, as it is indeed exciting. Once you dismantle this core belief, all inhibiting beliefs related to it will lose their power and dissolve like a tower of blocks whose base has been removed.

Look at the belief with an objective view from the outside, without being inside the experience.

Take one belief from the list and write it at the top of the page.

Divide the page into two, and write on one side how this belief serves you, and on the other side - how this belief holds you back.

For example: the belief "Nothing I do will help" serves me because it keeps me in my comfort zone and gives me a good excuse for why I'm not doing anything about my excess weight, for instance.

But this belief also holds me back, as it blocks me from joining a support program, and leaves me without hope and helpless, and most painful - with a body I'm uncomfortable with.

Secondary Gain - Examining Emotional Rewards

Now take your belief, and examine what emotional reward you receive from it.

For example, if I believe I am not good enough (a core belief), and then I receive interest and care from the environment, these feelings I experience from my surroundings subconsciously cause me to fulfill my need for people to care about me.

For example: if I avoid doing things because "I will not succeed," and I've become accustomed to not taking responsibility - the emotional reward is that I won't experience failure, no one expects me to change. I can stay in my comfort zone.

But on the other hand, this belief limits me: "I feel stuck in place," or "I depend on others," or "I have no influence over my life."

This list is very important because it will help you understand that the price you pay for the inhibiting belief is much more expensive than the reward you get from it.

The subconscious wants to protect and preserve us, and it is not ready to let go of thought patterns of years that have become part of our identity.

It will ensure to hold the image of failure in front of our eyes to protect us, and even when we seek or even find our weight loss plan, it will bring us back to doubt our ability to change.

To convince the subconscious that we no longer need this "protection," which only hinders us from achieving our dreams, we will start to question the belief.

We will listen to a meditation of connecting to internal resources, remembering our strength and the things we managed to do, even those not related to the field of weight loss. In NLP language, this is called modeling from oneself.

Be your model and inspiration.

Focus on what you did succeed in doing, and celebrate it.

Reframing

Start searching and bring new evidence and logical explanations that this core belief is not true.

For example, if you have a belief that "at your age it's impossible," look online, in the press, and in your life space for evidence that age has no importance in achieving success.

Reframe it, in my age, due to my life experience, it's a recipe for success.

Reframe the belief "nobody loves me" to: "my parents loved me in their own way, and wanted to give me mental and emotional resilience"; "my parents acted according to the insights and tools available to them."

Write the new belief on the left column of the page, opposite the limiting belief. For example: I am not worthy of good" will turn into "I am worthy of good simply by being without any condition."

If it's hard for you to say it, and you feel internal resistance to the sentence, because for many years you were in the identity of "I am not worthy," create a bridging sentence: "I am on my way to being worthy, even more than I am today." The words "even more than I am" subconsciously convey to the brain that I am already worthy today.

Now, look for all the proof that your new belief is good and correct for you, and write them down below the new belief.

Write more and more proofs for your new belief. Ask friends for help, explore your past, remember good things you did, and assistance you provided. Add more and more proofs to yourself that you are worthy.

This way, you will build a new identity, of renewed self-image and self-esteem.

Now, return to the column of inhibiting beliefs. Mark them with an X. Your subconscious will receive a message that you are changing.

When we change our internal story and beliefs about our abilities - our reality changes accordingly.

This phenomenon is also called the Pygmalion effect. So, for example, when a teacher believes in their students and expects them to succeed, it boosts their motivation and significantly improves their achievements.

Want to learn more about my method and find out how to really lose weight? Sign up for the workshop "The Smart Diet" at theJewish Campus.

Dr. Rina Mordo, Ph.D, is a nutrition coach integrating subconscious and NLP.