Failed Diet? You Probably Didn't Want It Enough

"Starting tomorrow - diet!" - Sound familiar? Day after day, we attempt to create various changes, yet the clock of life keeps ticking, and we remain behind without the anticipated movement.

The cycle of life often compels us to make changes both on a personal and interpersonal level, for example: in our lifestyle habits, thought patterns, within society and community, and sometimes even in values. Despite the necessity and benefit of change, we must remember that every change involves a loss of security and requires stepping out of comfort zones. Therefore, it's crucial to implement a correct and efficient change for the long term, with minimal harm to the individual and their surroundings.

Is it true that "nothing stands in the way of will"?

"Did the diet fail? You probably didn't want it enough..."

"Did your partner not keep their promise? Because it wasn't done wholeheartedly..."

"If you just want it - you'll succeed!"

These expressions are common, yet they are hollow and ineffective. They give the speaker a sense of superiority and excessive wisdom, as if they've discovered the secret to success in life. Additionally, they allow the speaker to place blame on others, suggesting their failure is due to a lack of desire...

This underlying assumption is prevalent among many people, claiming that the success of change depends on the power of will. According to this approach, there's a direct correlation between the strength and determination of will to the success of change. Failing in the change is attributed to a lack of will. This perception is fundamentally flawed. Many people indeed have a sincere desire to make changes, yet they fail to maintain them.

Why? Why is the power of will alone insufficient to create an effective change?

To answer this, let's revisit the moments of sanctity and solemnity during the High Holy Days. How many of us remember the strengthening and elevation we committed to? Do we maintain and apply this in our daily routine? During those days, we truly desired to cling to goodness and act righteously... However, the power of will is indeed a potent and strong engine, but its force fades quickly. A burning desire will blaze for a few minutes, hours, or even days, but eventually - its lifespan will end, and it will fade away.

The power of desire can ignite the flame of change, but it's not enough to sustain it, and it doesn't rise by itself. Long-term change cannot rely solely on the power of will. One cannot depend on desire, no matter how intense, to drive change.

In the process of change, there are two factors: the decision to make a change (which is the desire) and the maintenance of the change. The power of will influences only the decision to make a change. Research shows that change is composed of 30% decision and 70% maintenance.

So, what is the "preservative" that maintains long-term change?

Agents of Effective Change

As mentioned, first we must "turn away from evil" and neutralize the guilt that attributes the failure of change to a lack of will. Then, we approach "doing good":

First, we need to develop a strategic action plan, a path through which an individual operates or refrains from action to maintain change. The action plan doesn't rely at all on the power of will, and yet, it doesn't struggle with or provoke resistance within the individual.

For example, someone wishing to change their eating habits yet continues to bring sweets and snacks into their home daily, even if their desire is powerful - it's likely they won't succeed in changing their eating patterns. At best, they'll silence their conscience with "diet starts tomorrow"...

The strategy that will help this individual maintain the desired change is, for instance: not bringing unhealthy foods into their home, planning meals in advance, preparing available and healthy snacks, and so on. This strategic behavior enables the person to change without relying on willpower and provides them with a continuous experience of successful change.

The positive experience is crucial for maintaining change. As mentioned earlier, every change is accompanied by pain or fear and demands a price from the individual. Therefore, the individual needs a reward that will motivate them to persist despite the difficulty. The experience of success can serve as a compensating reward and encourage persistence in change.