Choose Life: Returning to Normal Living

Finding strength in the face of hardship: How to view suffering as a test rather than punishment

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A Torah scholar who was widowed wrote to his friend who was also widowed:

To my dear and highly esteemed friend,

I felt it appropriate to write you a few words that were difficult for me to say in person... I have not written this letter to comfort or alleviate the terrible and dreadful grief over the passing of your righteous wife, may she rest in peace, but to share with you what I experienced after my wife's passing, and the things through which I strengthened and exerted myself greatly.

When I rose from the seven days of mourning, I felt a terrible void in my entire world, and I did not know where I was going or where I would end up, myself and my seven young children, may they live long. Therefore, I considered falling into the arms of despair. However, before I could finish speaking to my heart, the verse from the end of Parshat Nitzavim stood before my eyes: "See, I have set before you today life and good, and death and evil, and you shall choose life." I thought to myself that although this commandment applies to every action in life, the simple meaning of the text seems to be that a person stands at a crossroads, facing two paths: one that leads to life and good, and the other to death and evil. Regarding this, we are commanded: "Choose life!" I asked myself: When is this time, when a person stands at such a difficult crossroads and is commanded with this directive? The simple answer is that it refers to the situation in which I now find myself, where one path is to fall into the arms of despair, death, and evil, which is the simple and easy path. And the second, difficult path is to stand firm on the path of life, and to restore the course of life to its proper state as much as possible in this situation. And I said to myself: It is precisely for this hour that I was commanded by the Creator of the Universe: Choose life! You have no idea, my friend, how much strength and courage this feeling gave me – to stand firm on the path of life! I got up and went to the house of Hashem, to the study hall, and sat there and studied for several hours, and since then I have continued with my regular schedule, and Hashem in His abundant mercy showered me with Divine assistance far beyond what could be expected to continue studying and meditating on the holy Torah.

In what should one strengthen oneself?

In the continuation of his letter, he addresses a common phenomenon, where a person feels guilty, believing that this trouble came upon him because of his sins:

However, when I went to bed at night, my conscience troubled me greatly, and sleep fled from my eyes. I felt lonely and ostracized from heaven, God forbid, and I knew no peace for my soul, until Hashem put a thought in my heart based on the words of the "Mesillat Yesharim," which helped calm my stormy soul and see things differently. The "Mesillat Yesharim" writes in Chapter 1 that all matters of this world are tests for a person: poverty on one side, and wealth on the other; tranquility on one side, and suffering on the other. So that the battle faces him from front and back. That is the content of his words. If so, I thought to myself, there is no reason at all for me to view my situation as being ostracized, God forbid, but simply that if until today Hashem had placed me in the test of tranquility and good, then from today He has placed me in the test of suffering and difficulty, but in truth my standing has not changed at all. Note that with the great sufferer Job, we clearly see that his sufferings came upon him solely to test him, and not at all as punishment (as is explicitly explained there in the verses).

Again I repeat to you, my friend, what I wrote at the beginning of my words. My intention here is not to come with words of comfort, for that is beyond my ability. My only intention here is to strengthen you in the great battle, that you should be brave to win this difficult battle! And I will conclude with a blessing that the Omnipresent comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem, and may Hashem be your help in all that you do. Your friend who esteems you.

Similar to these words, the Chazon Ish of blessed memory said: It is written in the Gemara that one who experiences suffering should examine his deeds. However, this applies to the time of the Gemara, but in our days, we are not worthy to examine and find. On the contrary, if a person begins to examine, he might err [and despair], and go on a path that is not correct. But it is clear that in a place where a person sees something obvious that needs strengthening and correction, or if he feels within himself things that need correction, his duty is to correct those things, and if, God forbid, he does not strive to correct them, the claim against him is great. [In a letter of consolation to someone, the Chazon Ish wrote: ..."It is not possible, with my feelings full of love and admiration, to see, God forbid, blame and point to a sin in the wake of which they went through what they went through, and in general, the ways of Providence are hidden from human beings].

Rabbi Shach of blessed memory said on this matter, that when a person does not know and feel something specific, he should not begin to examine, but should strengthen himself and add effort in Torah study, and through the power of Torah his soul will grow, this – in addition to the reward for Torah study which is equal to all else. Likewise, one should add intention in prayer and blessings, which are the foundation of faith and fear of Heaven. (Lekach Tov 182)

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