Keeping the Connection: Actions for the Elevation of the Soul of the Deceased

One of the greatest comforts that family members of the deceased can find is the fact that they can still help them. Through this, they can tangibly feel that the soul is alive and existing, and they maintain a "spiritual connection" with it.

What is this similar to? To a mother who sent her son to study abroad, in a way that they will never be able to meet or talk again. Of course, the mother is deeply pained by the difficult separation. However, she has a great comfort - the ability to send her son packages by mail. Indeed, every week she works hard and prepares a package of delicacies and foods that he loves, clothes, and other items that will gladden his heart. In this, she finds great solace for the difficult separation.

Similarly, relatives of the deceased, especially their sons and daughters, can and should send "packages" for their loved one that will benefit them greatly in the world of truth. Besides helping the deceased, far more than we can imagine, it is also beneficial and comforting to themselves, in that they can help their loved one.

The "Saba of Slabodka," within a year of his passing, appeared in a dream to his son and asked him: "Send me packages!" The intention is, of course, packages of Torah and good deeds, packages of Kaddish and Mishnah. All these bring the deceased satisfaction beyond measure. In this, the mourners will find comfort, realizing that the connection still exists, and that they can benefit the deceased - a benefit that is priceless.

"A son brings merit to his father"

As mentioned, the greatest power to help the deceased is in the hands of their sons and daughters, as the Talmud states (Sanhedrin 104): "A son brings merit to his father," meaning every mitzvah that a son [or daughter] performs after the death of a father or mother is credited to them and elevates their soul in paradise.

The Shelah writes: "Not only does he save his father from the judgment of Gehenna and free him from suffering, but he also brings him afterward into the Garden of Eden, and places him among the righteous, as stated in the Zohar (end of Parshat Bechukotai): "A son honors his father" - even though he has died, he is more obligated to honor him. If that son walks in an evil and stumbling path, he certainly dishonors his father. But if the son walks in the straight and good path, and his deeds are righteous, he certainly honors his father in this world before people, and honors him also in the world to come, and Hashem has mercy on the father and seats him on the throne of glory. And if the son's power is so great as to give his father all this honor, to bring him into paradise, how much more so is his power to cause his father not to be judged in Gehenna and torments.

Following his words, the Chafetz Chaim says: "A person should imagine himself as if he is thrown into fire, or tormented with other harsh sufferings. How strongly would he desire and yearn for his children to come to his aid and save him from his distress! And conversely, he should think about how much he would sacrifice himself to rescue his father from distress. Through this, he will be inspired to act for the souls of his father and mother to save them from the bitter punishment of their sins through his good deeds."

The "Pele Yoetz" says: "And the main honor is that he honors him in his death, and whatever is in his power to give him satisfaction, he should do day by day... "For so it is fitting for a son, that all his life his father's image should be engraved before him, and he should imagine as if he is crying bitterly from within the flames saying, 'My beloved son, have mercy on me, have mercy on me, save my soul from the sword, my only one from the power of the dog'. And even if the son thinks that his father is completely righteous, and his soul is enjoying abundance, he should imagine as if he is giving him delicacies as his father loved, so that his soul will bless him... And how good it is that he should be accustomed to say every day: May it be Your will, Hashem our God and God of our fathers, that You receive with mercy and favor every good deed that I do, whether in thought, speech, or action, and may it all be for the merit and rest and elevation of the soul, spirit, and breath of my father and my mother, and my father-in-law and mother-in-law. May it be Your will that their soul be bound in the bond of life. And in this he will receive blessing from Hashem and from the soul of his parents."

From the letter of Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein to his daughter and grandchildren, after the passing of their father:

Much consolation and blessing to my dear daughter, and to your dear children.

My dear children, now there is nothing for us to do but to accept the judgments of Hashem with love. Man was not created for the life of this world. This world was created for all seventy nations, for us the World to Come was destined, eternity... Now, my dear grandchildren, it is your duty to strive for your father, who devoted his time for you, and to engage in Torah and mitzvot, for in this you will bring merit to your father. Please repay him by praying with intention, and saying Kaddish with intention. Know the correct meaning of Kaddish. Also learn Mishnah every day for his holy soul. Do not be sad, but engage in Torah with joy, because we have a merciful Father who will surely have mercy on you, and in this you will bring joy to your mother. Do not spend your time on anything but Torah. Also try to give charity for his holy soul. Please write to me about everything that happens with you, for I await this, for Hashem will not forsake you because He is the Father of orphans and widows.

Your father who is comforted and awaits to see the salvation of Hashem.

From a letter of condolence sent by Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz (printed in his book "Da'at Chochma")

...Death is nothing but a change of residence from one city to another, and nothing more. This is the absolute truth. Your father has not died, God forbid, but he is alive, and it is nothing but a change of place. One who understands and knows the subtlety of these matters, knows and understands that on the contrary, now he is closer, and is with us more than during his lifetime, because nothing separates him from us. About this we are commanded "respect him in his life, respect him in his death," he is alive and close and with us always. And so we must contemplate this always, and remember him lest we forget him, to think that he has gone from us and is dead, God forbid. Everything is as before! You are in America, and he was in Europe, at a distance from you. Even now he is as before, at a distance from you, and how shall we forget him?! ... And so the sons and relatives of the dead are commanded to always contemplate his situation, and that he is waiting in heaven for the deeds of the sons, for that is his only merit there, and only they save him from the day of evil. This is the matter of Kaddish that is brought in the Shulchan Aruch that was established for minors. Woe to the deceased if his sons do evil deeds, God forbid. If believing sons would visualize these facts and contemplate them, they would engage all their days in mitzvot and good deeds, solely out of a son's love for his father. And who can estimate the great merit of sons studying Torah, and conversely, God forbid, sons neglecting Torah? I find it my duty, out of my great love for you, as you know, to awaken you to this, and to ask you with great mercy to care for your father more than you cared for him during his lifetime. Consider his terrible situation... his eyes are raised only to you, beloved and cherished sons! Every day and every moment you can save him from the pit of destruction, God forbid, and elevate him to a place of paradise and pleasure. This concern is of infinitely greater value than your concern for him in life when you sent him a few dollars. Always have the fear of Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai before you, who said that all the suffering and pleasures in heaven are eternal (Berachot 28), how then can sons not have mercy on their fathers?!

The Greatest Help

Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian related that during World War I, when many of his neighbors were hungry for bread, they called for their sons who were studying in yeshivas to come home to help support the family. His teacher had seven sons studying in yeshivas at that time, but he and his wife refrained from disturbing them in their studies, and none of them was called to return home. The neighbors, seeing the state of hunger in their home, approached the rabbi's wife and asked: "Why are you suffering so much and wrapped in hunger? Call two or three of your sons to come and satisfy the hunger of your home." She answered them boldly and said: "Now I don't want the children to help me, because a time will come when I will need their help very much in the world of truth. Therefore, I want them to stay in the yeshiva now, so that they can help me then, when I will need their help."

From the will of Rabbi Leibchik Broida [brother of the Saba of Kelm] (Writings of the Students of the Saba of Kelm, page 248)

...And therefore you, my sons who are as dear to me as the apple of my eye, please picture in your thoughts a simple image: If a son sees someone beating his father with terrible blows, torturing and distressing him with severe suffering, God forbid, even the simplest of men, without doubt, would not be able to restrain himself from standing by! And not only would he give his wealth and possessions, but he would also risk his life to save his father from him. And especially you, my honorable and precious sons, whom I have nurtured and raised in yeshivas on the knees of Torah and fear of Heaven, and I have risked my life for you, even with great expenses to take you out of the hands of the nations, so that you could serve the blessed Creator, and my soul is bound to your souls with bonds of love, surely you will not stand by when you can save your dear father from distress, ... And how can you get your father out of this distress? Only through the study of Torah and good deeds. And whenever you give charity and do a good deed, please say also with your mouth, at least in the first year: "I am doing this for the soul of my father," and I ask you to read these words every day in the first month, and then until the end of the year, not less than once a week, and then occasionally, so that you will not forget your father from your heart all the days of your lives for length of days.

Mishnah - Neshamah (Soul)

The holy Shelah says that "Mishnah" has the same letters as "Neshamah" (soul), and there is great power in the study of Mishnayot to help the soul and elevate it to a high place.

Many of the great sages of Israel, in their wills, asked their sons, students, and friends to study Mishnayot for their merit and for the elevation of their souls. Rabbi Akiva Eiger writes in his will: "If I die, announce my passing in the newspapers, with the note that I request my students and friends to learn every single day one chapter of Mishnayot during the first year, to benefit my soul. And also on the Yahrzeit every year."

Kaddish

The virtue of the "Kaddish" which sons say for the elevation of their parents' souls is well known and famous. Saying Kaddish is a grand declaration, in public, of sanctifying Hashem's name, that His name should be praised throughout the entire world. And by the power of Kaddish said in public, the son redeems his father and mother from Gehenna, and brings them into paradise. See further elaboration below in the gate of Halacha (page 237) on the virtue of saying Kaddish.