New Study: Doing Kindness to Your Spouse is Good for Your (Mental) Health

Which is better – to give or to receive? A new study proves that from a health perspective, you are better off giving, especially to your spouse.

Harry Reis, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, USA, led a team of researchers in a study involving 175 young American couples. "Our study was designed to see if displaying care toward others improves the giver's well-being," says Reis.

The psychologists asked both partners to separately record, for two weeks, all the instances in which one of them made an effort, sacrificed, or went out of their way to make the other happy. Additionally, they filled out a daily questionnaire to measure their mood and emotional well-being.  

The results: the husbands and wives reported that they gave on average 0.65 such acts per day and received on average 0.59. The acts included things like changing personal plans for the sake of their partner, doing something to show appreciation, or showing affection.

Before the study, the scientists hypothesized that the greatest impact on the giver would be when the action was acknowledged by the receiver, as this recognition would make the giver feel appreciated. Although this assumption was proven correct, the researchers noticed something else.

"Obviously, the receiver needs to notice the kindness to benefit emotionally," says Reis, "but this recognition is much less important to the giver." They found that the partner who did something for the other felt better even if the spouse didn't show any acknowledgment of their gesture. In fact, the satisfaction derived from the act of kindness was 45% greater than the happiness caused to the receiver. For example, if the husband went to work, saw the car window of his wife covered in snow, and cleared it off before driving away, he felt better throughout the day even if he received no proof that his wife noticed what he had done.

"No doubt," concludes Reis, "acting with compassion rewards the person in any case."

Following the study's results, Reis and his colleagues are now working on research that examines the emotional benefits of spending money on others: the assumption is that spending money to benefit another person improves the giver's emotional state, but only if the giving is done with pure intentions and not to 'make an impression.'