Is There Such a Thing as a Bad Name for a Child?

Regarding whether the father or the mother should decide the child's name, we find in the Torah that Chava named her children, Cain and Seth. On the other hand, Noah, Ishmael, and Isaac were named by their fathers. Most of the names of the tribes were given by the mothers, and a minority by their father Jacob. Moses named his children, as did Joseph for his sons. The Ramban mentions concerning the names of Judah's sons that there are those who say it was customary for the father to name the first child and the mother the second, alternating thereafter. However, the Ramban dismissed this with the words: "There is no reason or sense in this."

We also find in the Torah that the mother gave a name, and the father changed it. Rachel our matriarch, who died during the birth of her second son, called him "Ben-Oni," but his father named him "Benjamin." The Ramban wrote that since she called him "Ben-Oni," which means "son of my sorrow," Jacob did not want his son to be called by a name implying sadness, so he interpreted "Oni" as "strength" like "the first of my strength," and changed the letters "Oni" to "Yamin," meaning "right," the side of strength, and called him Benjamin.

In practice, the custom among Sephardic Jews is for the first son to be named after the paternal grandfather, and the second after the maternal grandfather. Ashkenazi Jews have the opposite custom. Some attribute this to the bride feeling detached from her parents upon marriage, thus getting the right to name her first child after a parent to strengthen ties. Others provide different reasons. Nevertheless, it is proper that the name be given with the consent of both parents, in joy and harmony. If the father insists on one name and the mother on another, they should do as custom dictates. In such cases, naming the child two names to satisfy both is a common practice.

Is There a Bad Name?

As explained in several places in this book, each letter contains a spiritual root that can nurture and develop in a person for good or bad. It depends on the person’s choice in living their life. The intention of parents in choosing the name also greatly influences whether the name will have a positive or negative effect.

Therefore, even though some are concerned about names like "Roee" due to its negative connotation, or "Miryam" due to its bitterness, in reality, if the parents' intention is positive, say by naming "Roee" in reference to the verse "Hashem is my shepherd, I shall not want," the child will always remember they are watched over by Hashem and will strengthen their trust; and "Miryam" after the righteous Miriam the prophetess, sister of Moses and Aaron, there is no need to fear the other meaning influencing. Thus, the parents' intention in name selection helps activate it positively in line with their good intention unless the child chooses to act negatively, as with any name, where the person can lead the letters of their name to grow negatively.

Only a few names whose letter combinations are universally known as negative, like "Lili" or "Lilith" (the name of a female demon), or "Sami" (a name for the demon itself), should never be given to a person, and if done, must be changed.

Regarding neutral names with no clear positive connotation, it's best to avoid them and name a person after great figures of our people known for their spiritual greatness. This can significantly aid the child in life's trials. Foreign names should be strictly avoided.

Is It Good to Use Two Names?

If there is no specific reason, such as those given below, it is preferable not to name a person with two names. They might not be called by both names, effectively shortening their name. Thus, in earlier generations, it was uncommon to use two names. The custom began following the addition of a name for someone ill.

A person named with two names, whether for a valid reason or none, should ideally be called by both names together, or at least have their relatives occasionally call them by both.

Guidelines and Tips for Choosing a Name:

1. Ideally, a name should not have fewer than three letters to avoid reducing the channels of abundance for the child. Unless the name itself is positive due to implying something good or is the name of a notable figure from Israel, particularly if it has both, like the name "Gad," who was one of the tribes and means "luck."
2. The best choice is to select good names from traditional sources since earlier generations chose names with prophetic insight, according to the Midrash mentioned above. One reason our ancestors were redeemed from Egypt was that they did not change their names or invent new ones, especially not using foreign names but only giving their children Jewish names of the patriarchs and other righteous members of preceding generations, which brought abundant good to future generations, leading to redemption. The "Noam Elimelech" states that when a parent names a child after a righteous person, "it awakens the light from the upper world and causes him to become righteous." Therefore, care should be taken for the child's benefit to give them a good name like one of the righteous figures of the generations, and certainly not foreign names lacking beneficial meaning from the letter combination. Additionally, the "Shema Yisrael" book writes, "The name is essentially the soul of a person. If children are given foreign names, it draws vitality from the negative side," especially for Jews living abroad, who should be meticulous in naming their sons and daughters distinctly Jewish names and consistently using them. This is also a protection against assimilation.
3. If parents are adamant about creating a new Hebrew name, it should at least express gratitude and acknowledgment of Hashem's kindness, either for the birth or another event in their lives. When doing so, it should be explicitly stated that this is the name's reason, per the words of the "Pele Yoetz" mentioned earlier.
4. Anyone with a foreign name should add a Hebrew name and be called by it. At a minimum, they should occasionally be called by the Hebrew name, or both together (whenever a name is added, during aliyah to the Torah, or when blessing, etc., both names should be used. It is crucial that before the wedding, every bride and groom tell the officiating rabbi the full history of their names to write the ketubah correctly).
5. Names should never be chosen after someone who died young from illness, accident, etc. (certainly not a suicide), as such a name endangers the child, as evidenced by many difficult cases. Even though some differentiate between being killed by human hands or divine decree, concerns are only present in the former, practice shows that both pose a danger, and danger is stricter than prohibition. Young age in this context is considered under fifty. A person named after someone who died young, unknowingly endangering themselves, should add a name if they haven't surpassed the deceased's age. If desiring to commemorate someone who died young, especially without children, by remembering them, a similar or indicative name should be chosen. If a child is given two names and one is after such a person, with both names used, there is no concern. However, if it concerns a genuinely known righteous person who died young, they may be named after them.

One should never be named after a wicked person, even if they are a close family member.

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