Naming Changes: How to Choose the Right Name?

The Talmud narrates a story about Rabbi Meir, who would assess a person's character based on their name. Here's the wording from the Talmud: Rabbi Meir, Rabbi Yehuda, and Rabbi Yossi were traveling along the road. Rabbi Meir would scrutinize names closely, while Rabbi Yehuda and Rabbi Yossi did not. Upon reaching a certain place, they requested shelter and were accepted. They asked their host his name, and he replied: Kidder. Rabbi Meir inferred that he must be a wicked person, as it is said, "for they are a perverse generation." Rabbi Yehuda and Rabbi Yossi left their wallets with him before the Shabbat, but Rabbi Meir did not. Rabbi Meir hid his wallet near the household head's father's grave. In a dream, the host's son saw someone saying, "Go and retrieve the wallet placed by your father's head." The next morning, the host shared the dream. The sages told him that a dream during twilight is meaningless. Rabbi Meir stood guard by the grave all Shabbat, and retrieved his wallet after Shabbat. The following day, they asked for their wallets back, and the host denied their existence. Rabbi Meir questioned why they didn't scrutinize the name. They responded, asking why he didn't warn them of his suspicions. Rabbi Meir said he could only be cautious, not assert it as fact. They leadingly questioned the host until he inadvertently revealed he had lentils for lunch, clueing them in. They conveyed this to his wife as a sign, who returned their wallets, after which he killed her."

This account also appears with variations in Midrash Tanchuma, where it starts: "Our sages said that when Rabbi Meir saw a person, he learned their name, and from that name, he understood their deeds." In our generation, one of the few esteemed authorities on understanding the secret of names was the genius Rabbi Yisrael Yaakov Fisher, of blessed memory. Instances are known of childless couples whom doctors had despaired of, who conceived after Rabbi Fisher adjusted their names in their marriage contracts. Today, one can mention one of the leading Torah scholars of our time, a sage who responds to name-related inquiries, Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, may he be well, one of the few in this generation. This is emphasized due to the proliferation of impostors who, with baseless claims, alter names and even decide on matchmaking suitability without real understanding, often using shocking scare tactics if not obeyed. The rule is to consult only with a true Torah scholar and God-fearing person, who has labored in Torah all his days with diligence in mitzvot, and keeps the sanctity of his eyes and mouth; especially important is to verify that the generation's greats hold him in esteem. (This applies to adding or changing names; regarding matchmaking, it is correct not to inquire by names but to verify good character traits, fear of Heaven, and that they communicate pleasantly and are visually comfortable with one another. If these four conditions exist, they shall marry, G-d willing, with a favorable destiny).

When there is a need to change a name, Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky generally advises not to change it completely but to a positive name similar in letters to the previous name. For instance, replace "Victor" with "Avigdor," "Amiram" with "Amram," and "Yoram" with "Yerucham." To "Shahar," he added the name Shimon, and to "Eyal," the name Yehuda. Rabbi Yosef Brook, head of the "Netivot Olam" Yeshiva, narrated that one of his students, a returnee named Peter, approached the Steipler, of blessed memory, confident that the Rabbi would instruct him to change his name. But the Steipler replied that one of the Tosafot commentators bore the name Rabbeinu Peter. "If it was good for one of the Tosafot, why wouldn't it be good for you?" This indicates the necessity of correct discretion when changing or adding names, and distinguishing between giving a name initially and intervening with an existing name. Mainly, consult the greats.

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The cases where it is crucial to add or change a name are during severe illness or if named after a wicked person or someone who died young.

If named meaninglessly, consultation with a true scholar also proficient in names is necessary. This is because, fundamentally, even a name with a wholly positive or negative meaning leaves choice in the individual's hands to act appropriately or otherwise. Each letter has a unique potential that can be used positively or negatively, as detailed at the end of each chapter about the letters in this book. Likewise, the letters forming the name's meaning enable even someone with a clearly negative name to use it positively. [For example, the name "Nimrod," mainly negative, recalls the biblical Nimrod who rebelled against his Creator; yet, someone with that name can channel it to rebel against his evil impulse leading him to sin, embracing his Creator's sovereignty.] It's a significant principle that no test is given to a person unless they can withstand it, and if one has received these tools in their name, they surely can succeed by using them properly. The name reflects character and natural inclination, not the deed itself. This is a primary reason why many share a name but their situations vary according to their personal choice of how to activate their name's influence, aligned with their deeds and character rectifications. That's why Rabbi Meir himself stated that despite his analysis and precision regarding a person's name, these calculations shouldn't be seen as absolute truths, merely precautions lest the negative potential indeed exists in someone presently.

In this context, it's worth adding what Maharhu wrote about the name "for the holy soul, there is also a name "to the same shell of the impurity of the serpent clinging to a person's soul. So, each person has two names. One for their holy soul, and one for their shell." He added: The righteous, though unaware of their name relating to their shell, through their good deeds in this world purify that shell off them, later easily separating in the grave. But the wicked, who haven't performed good deeds to separate their shell in their lifetime, struggle greatly in the grave to separate it, suffering severe blows as they didn't know the name. If they'd known their name, they'd easily separate the shell. My Rabbi Zalalhu heard from a wise man that anyone buried on Friday after five hours, inclusive of that hour, and observed Shabbat in life, doesn't see the judgment of the grave's beating, as from that hour begins the addition of Shabbat's holiness."

Similarly, it emerges from the book "Maavar Yabok" that "life and all its details, and death depend partly on one's name and luck." 'Luck' refers to the fate predetermined for an individual, which, as known, is alterable according to one's deeds. Upon correcting their path in following G-d's ways, their fate also changes.

Therefore, there is no rush to change or add a name, even when the parents' chosen name doesn't match all correct and good rules, only when it's evident that the name's meaning or its letters, especially the first letter, negatively influence the individual. (Like a prolonged downturn for someone named "Jordan," constriction and shrinking, as in "anorexia," for "Natalie" or "Tali" (but "Talia" is a good name), excessive melancholy and introversion for someone named starting with 'S,' a letter of security but also closure and pressure. And so on).

However, there are cases where changing or adding a name is permissible or recommended without specific issues. Such as changing a foreign name without Hebrew significance to a good Jewish one from sources. Due to the great importance of bearing a Jewish name, as our Sages stated, one reason our ancestors were redeemed from Egyptian exile was not altering their names. Likewise, when someone returns to faith, desiring to change their name, they may do so (especially if bearing a modern, unrelated name, changing to one of the seven shepherds or a tribe's name, etc.). As Rambam writes: "Part of repentance includes the petitioner always crying to the Lord with tears and supplications, doing charity according to their means, distancing greatly from the sin. Changing their name, as if to say, I am another, not the same person who committed those acts. Completely change their ways to good and straight. Leave their home, as exile atones sin, bringing humility and contrition."

However, every letter can be used positively. For example, the letter 'B' signifies division and increase. Thus, a person whose name includes this letter, especially at the start, like Baruch or Bruria, naturally inclines to these traits. Yet, they can use this immense potential to expand and develop any business or charity organization, while on the other hand, capable of being a source of discord, driving friends apart. It's a person's choice to activate their name's letters positively. Therefore, once a person is already named something, the name shouldn't be feared, but directed towards good. Only if an individual faces an issue where one versed in the secret of letters knows its root lies in certain letters affecting them negatively, specifically advising them to improve their actions and come closer to their Creator in the lacking area, might the specific sage also change a letter in their name or add a name for additional reinforcement and support.

Typically, only adding is advised, not changing, except in cases where the person's difficulty strongly suggests their name is unsuitable, as the type of difficulty mirrors exactly those letters' negative actions. Alternatively, when the name change isn't drastic, like from "Abiram" to "Abraham," "Natalie" to "Talia," "Romit" to "Ronit." In such instances, altering the name instead of adding is possible.

Nonetheless, it is worth noting here that any change or transition to a different name (and similarly in choosing a name for a newborn, as explained below), should result in a name that the individual will comfortably live with and be addressed by. Therefore, when intervention in a name is necessary, always consult the individual about their new name if they are of an age and health condition where they can understand.

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