Tired of Self-Criticism? Start Doing This Simple Thing

Most of the time, we live our lives looking outward. We notice what others think of us, what is expected of us, and how we appear to the world. We try to adjust ourselves, to be "okay" and to win external approval. But in this race, amidst expectations, pressures, and tasks, we forget to ask the simple, essential question: How do we see ourselves?

Do we look at ourselves with acceptance, compassion, and love – or through criticism, comparison, and dissatisfaction? Do we know how to appreciate ourselves for who we are – with our strengths and weaknesses, or only when we meet certain standards?

Even successful, talented, educated, and diligent people sometimes feel "not enough" in some way. This is not because they are truly unworthy, but because their consciousness doesn't allow them to see themselves in a positive light. Internal reflection acts as a profound tool for healing, growth, and connection to our true value.

What is Internal Reflection?

Internal reflection is the ability to notice what is happening inside us – our thoughts, feelings, desires, and fears – without rushing to judge or suppress them. It is an honest encounter with ourselves, from a place of curiosity and respect. We are not attempting to forcefully fix ourselves, but to listen to what lies beneath the surface.

When this reflection becomes a habit, we begin to understand ourselves more deeply: What drives us? What patterns repeat? Where is our pain? Where is our light?

What Does Psychology Say About It?

In psychology, internal reflection is the basis of self-awareness. Psychologist Daniel Goleman, author of "Emotional Intelligence," explains that self-awareness is a prerequisite for the ability to manage emotions, choose responses consciously, and build healthy relationships. He writes that when we practice reflection, we learn to recognize emotions in real-time, understand their impact on our behavior, and act out of choice instead of habit.

Psychologist Carl Rogers, a founder of the humanistic approach, said:"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." True change comes not from shame or pressure, but from self-acceptance and a sense of value.

Professor Martin Seligman, a founder of positive psychology, explained that when we live in connection with our internal values, we experience more meaning, optimism, and mental resilience.

What Does Judaism Say About It?

In Judaism too, internal reflection is seen as a deep spiritual foundation.

Chabad Hasidism regards reflection as a fundamental way in the service of Hashem.

In Tractate Sanhedrin 106b it is written "Hashem desires the heart", meaning that what truly matters is what happens within the heart, not what appears outwardly.

Rambam writes in "Laws of Repentance" that the process of repentance includes internal assimilation and recognition, not just behavioral change. In other words, thoughts and intentions also need reflection, with the hope for correction, repentance, and a life of truth.

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov emphasizes that we must look for a good point within ourselves, even when we feel dark and distant:"And even if he sees that he is a complete sinner, he must look and find some small good... that through this, he truly brings him to merit." According to Rabbi Nachman, the reflection is not meant for us to see what is missing – but what is good. Even if it is small and hidden – from there begins the healing.

Why Is It So Important?

It's common to adopt views about ourselves based on what we were told in childhood, the expectations we absorbed from society or how we've been measured throughout life. This causes us to look at ourselves through critical eyes,to the extend that we have no value unless we prove ourselves.

Internal reflection offers a new perspective: a soft, compassionate, honest view. It allows us to see even the sides we're used to hiding, and to stop fearing them.

Daily Practice of Internal Reflection

1. Pause daily for five to ten minutes - simply sit, breathe deeply, and ask: What do I feel now? What thought repeats again and again? What is my soul telling me?
2. Intuitive writing - not to analyze or understand, but to express. Just let the words flow from the soul. Sometimes writing reveals layers we didn't know existed.
3. Personal prayer – not necessarily from the prayer book, but a simple conversation with the Creator. A single sentence like: "Creator of the world, help me see myself in a good light" – can open a deep internal gate to the soul.
4. Searching for the good - every night, write down one small thing that was good about yourself that day. Even just a smile, listening, or patience – it strengthens the connection to the positive parts within.
5. Reflection with a close person - an honest conversation with a friend or professional who can reflect us with compassionate eyes. Sometimes an external view can help us see what we tend to forget.

Internal reflection is not criticism – but compassion.
It is not correction – but connection.
It is not judgment – but discovery.
It is not struggle – but listening.
It is not an essential change – but a memory of who we truly are.

This may be the first step on the path to true internal happiness. We don't need to be perfect to be worthy. We just need to remember that there is good within us, and there always was.