The Search for Approval: Why Do We Seek Compliments from Others?

We all know those moments – when you do something significant and wait to see if anyone acknowledges it, applauds, or comments "good job." The feeling of external recognition, gives us a good feeling. But what happens when we constantly seek this approval? Is it healthy? What does it say about our self-esteem?

The Essence of Seeking Approval

The search for approval is a psychological phenomenon often stemming from low self-esteem or a feeling of worthlessness. Some people have a constant need to receive validation from their surroundings to feel good about themselves. This can manifest in the desire for compliments, praise, or positive feedback from acquaintances, friends, family, or colleagues at work.

When positive words are not expressed, these individuals may feel unsatisfied or insecure, as if they are not doing enough or are not good enough. Conversely, when they receive the approval they seek, they feel on top of the world.

How Does the Search for Approval Affect Us?

Dependency on Others – The more someone depends on attention and compliments from their surroundings, the less they can feel good about themselves independently. If they don't receive praise, they feel worthless.

Constant Frustration – Sometimes the search for approval doesn't lead to satisfactory responses. Compliments may be rare or not from the people we expected, leading to frustration and a sense of missed opportunities.

A Closed Loop – The more we seek approval, the more we expect it, and high expectations can lead to feelings of disappointment.

Impact on Relationships – When we constantly seek approval, we may burden relationships with unfair emotional demands. For example, friends or family members may feel pressured to support and react in a certain way, even if they are unable or don't always want to.

How to Deal with It?

Building Internal Self-Confidence – True strength comes from within. It's important to learn to value ourselves and understand that our worth isn't dependent on the praise from others. When we feel good about ourselves, we won't need to seek approval at every corner.

Improving Personal Recognition – Instead of waiting for someone to say "good job," learn how to encourage yourself and feel satisfaction from independent actions.

Focusing on Achieving Internal Goals – Setting personal and business goals that are not dependent on external attention, but rather on self-success, will help us develop and prevent the constant need for external recognition.

Understanding the Boundaries of Others – It's important to remember that other people may be busy or not always available to pay attention, so you may not always get the approval or compliment you expect.

The constant search for approval is common, but not necessarily healthy. When we focus solely on external recognition, we forget our ability to value ourselves and feel good about our achievements, even if no one notices them. The real way to feel good about ourselves is to understand that our sense of value should come from within, and not be dependent on externalities.