The Law of Opposites and The Gift of Choice

The Law of Opposites is a wonderful existential law we often don't utilize to our advantage. Simply put, the law states that everything has an opposing side. There is no anger if there is no forgiveness; no sadness if there's no joy; no disappointment if there's no hope.

Some of us perceive opposites separately, such as sad or happy, disappointed or hopeful, good or bad.

Each person is made up of two sides, like a coin. This is especially evident in relationships when we lose the complete dimension of our partner and see only the disappointing or frustrating side, without also seeing the beneficial and helpful side. This perspective is the source of discontent and lack of joy in life for so many of us, in both romantic and social relationships.

The reality of opposites indicates a level of wholeness: every disappointment comes with hope, every sadness comes with joy, and every bad comes with good. This means that we can always feel hope, even when disappointed; joy, even when sad; and feel good, even when things are bad.

We live our lives like puppets on strings, each emotion triggered by a pull of an invisible string attached to us and seem to lack the power to initiate anything on our own. "He drives me crazy,", "She brings out the worst in me" etc. We may indeed feel powerless to influence our lives until we discover the tremendous power of our consciousness.

We may not choose to be angry, but we can choose to free ourselves from anger; we may not choose to be offended, but we can choose to stop feeling hurt; and we don't choose to feel anxiety and depression, but we can choose to overcome them.

Our initial reaction is the automatic part of our consciousness which creates the emotional activity that drives us, and is not in our control, but we then have the ability to gain control of our emotions and choose how we want to feel.

To create a state of awareness that provides us with some governance over our emotions, we must reach a state of neutral where we have a few moments to decide how to respond and to feel. Unfortunately the neutral state has a lifespan of onlly a few seconds and we therefore almost don't recognize it- but once we learn to identify it and stay with it for a few seconds, we can gain control over our reactions.

When we can overcome anger and say "let's stop fighting," or when we're afraid and still able to say "I will get through this" these are the moments where we are making the choice.

Once we leave the automatic state, we can choose the mood we want to be in. We sit behind the wheel, and we have the power to decide how to drive.

Avraham Sheharbaniis a couple and family counselor, treats addictions, lectures in the family field, and is a member of the Israeli Association for Couple and Family Counseling.