Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?

I'm in a close relationship with someone who abuses me. I should separate myself, but I can't. Why am I still stuck in this relationship?

1. Abusers belittle, harm, and disparage others in extreme and unacceptable ways. They erase the victim's willpower and self-confidence after which they may comfort, encourage, and strengthen them. What is the purpose of this emotional roller coaster ride?

An abuser sends a message to the victim that they are the source of both bad and good feelings. Over time, the victim doesn't believe they deserve or can feel good independently, and they stop seeking ways to feel better.

With no other source that allows you to feel good or to build yourself independently, you ultimately feel trapped in the relationship.

2. It's important to understand that you do not need to stay in the relationship, and that you can develop resources that aren't dependent on the abuser. You don't need their approval to feel valuable, because you can encourage and strengthen yourself. Emotional independence is the escape from emotional captivity and an essential part of emotional healing.

3. Start by doing something enjoyable and uplifting twice a day, and tell yourself: "I love myself, I support myself, I have the right and ability to emotional independence". Prove to yourself that you can feel good without dependending on others.

The more you develop emotional and mental independence, the easier it will be to trust yourself to make healthy decisions that serve you.