I Was Wronged – Stay Silent or Respond?

The Case

Shimon couldn't believe his ears. He just found out that someone else was hired for the position that was explicitly promised to him. Two years earlier, when Shimon was looking for a programming position, he received an offer that seemed relevant, and he was told that after two years as a junior programmer, he would be promoted to a managerial position. Shimon performed his role faithfully and with dedication. Occasionally, he was offered various positions at other companies with better conditions, but he always refused. Now, a shaken Shimon approached the senior manager who had promised him the position at the time and asked him: 'Why did you deceive me?!' The manager knew immediately what it was about. "How can a young person like you be appointed to this role?" was his infuriating response, "If you work for three more years, maybe you'll get a similar position". Shimon acted with discretion and restraint, but is it permissible to react strongly when we are wronged so unfairly?

Response

There are four types of reactions when a person has been wronged:

1. "Insulted and Insult Back" – People who retaliate harshly against those who insulted them.

2. "Insulted but Do Not Insult Back" – People who say a few words to those who hurt them, but strive to do so in a non-hurtful manner.

3. "Hear Their Disgrace and Do Not Respond" – This is a higher level than the previous one. These are people who indeed endure the insult internally but hold back from bursting out and expressing their feelings towards those who hurt them. Although internally there are significant struggles, sometimes great anger, they restrain themselves completely.

4. "Those who Act Out of Love and Rejoice in Suffering" – The highest level is of those who do not respond, not because they have nothing to say, but due to their love of Hashem. They endure every action and remain in the same mental state before and after the event, allowing themselves to accept the suffering with calm and joy. They reach this level of patience through the belief that everything that happens to us is directed by the Creator, and the person is simply a messenger from Hashem. Even though we experience great distress from this, the distress originally comes from the Creator's decree, and it was meant to reach us, if not through this person, then through another.

What Practical Steps Should Shimon Take?

A. A person can protest the injustice done to them, and this can be expressed calmly, without losing patience.

B. In the case of monetary or physical harm, one might consider taking the person to a beit din (Jewish court). In this case, it is advisable to consult with a rabbi and carefully consider all aspects.

Weekly Family Exercise

Review instances where you responded aggressively, and ask yourself if there were other ways to handle the situation.

From the book "The Human Duty in His World – Moral and Ethical Issues for the Whole Family". To purchase books from the series, visit Hidabroot Shops or call 073-222-1250