What Are We Truly Seeking in the Ten Days of Repentance?

In an era where our lives are fast-paced and demanding, we find ourselves asking deep existential questions. On Rosh Hashanah, between prayers and internal questions, I found myself pondering the essence of happiness. What is this elusive happiness that we all seek?

In the midst of the Ten Days of Repentance, many thoughts wash over me. I look at the struggles of the past year, and consider what I can carry forward. I wonder how I can transform the coming year into a more blessed one, filled with good intentions and meaningful actions

During the prayers, these questions arise from the siddur. With every word I say, I reflect- is my happiness dependent on others? Can I only be happy if I receive warmth, love and recognition from others?

Thoughts run through my mind. Both my sons are on the front lines, in the north of the country. I worry for their safety, and thoughts of them fill me with mixed emotions- pride and worry, joy and fear. How can we be happy knowing that others must risk their lives for the homeland?

Each of my children is building the bigger picture of their lives. I want them to live full and happy lives, and I know that their happiness affects me too.

Recently, a couple, Moshe and Ruth, came to speak to me. He's an army officer, and she works in the professional field. She was full of pain and very unhappy, and expressed that if her husband would treat her better, she would feel better. Unfortunately she gave him the power to decide her feelings. When we wait for approval or love from someone, we become "prisoners" of the other person's emotions.

We explored the essence of her personal happiness and examined it through simple yet honest questions: What truly makes you happy? What can genuinely fill you with joy?

Slowly Ruth began to uncover her own power through hobbies, quality time with herself and volunteering, and with time, her light and happiness were no longer dependent on others. Her happiness began to flow from within, as she began acknowledging her strengths.

What can we learn from this?

1. Seek what gives you meaning– Actions for others can bring you great strength.
2. Appreciate yourself– Recognize your qualities and what sets you apart.
3. Dedicate time to things you love – Your hobbies can be a source of inner happiness.
4. Find goodness in the present– Instead of waiting for "everything to be okay," seek out small joys.
5. Be grateful for what you have– Gratitude strengthens inner happiness.

In the midst of our thoughts and challenges, it's important to remember happiness is not a distant goal, but within us. During the Ten Days of Repentance, it's time to examine ourselves, adopt good intentions, and make small changes towards a blessed year. Even when there are difficulties and worries, we can create small moments of joy.

Wishing you all a week filled with joy, gratitude, and inner light.

Rabbi Dr. Yaakov Arenberg is the head of the Arenberg Institute – The Institute for Marriage Counseling Studies and Family Professions.