The Divine Art of Loving Others

The Torah obligation to love others is not merely a moral duty or a means to create social stability, but the most essential force for fulfilling our life’s purpose and the Divine plan.

As discussed previously, a person’s purpose is to strive toward emulating the attributes of G-d as much as possible. The defining trait of G-d is His infinite love, through which the world was created. The primary trait we are therefore obligated to develop is the capacity to love.

According to Kabbalah, three of the ten Divine attributes (sefirot) through which G-d created the world are related to love: Netzach (eternity), Hod (splendor/humility), and Yesod (foundation).

Imagine yourself on a long summer road trip toward the coast. After hours of driving, you round a bend and suddenly see an endless blue ocean stretched before you. Many people will experience a powerful and indescribable feeling in that moment. The vast horizon seems to call out to us to touch the infinite, and the sheer immensity of the sea makes us feel small.

In the midst of this awe, we may feel a desire to dive into the sea and to hold on to it. That desire grows stronger with the heat and fatigue of the journey. This longing and pull toward deep connection, stems from the attribute of Netzach. It drives our yearning to connect, to break beyond our boundaries and enter a new world.

But this excitement must be balanced by another, less spontaneous emotion that we must actively cultivate: reverence. The sea deserves respect. Consider its size, the stories it contains, the countless creatures within it, and the potential dangers it holds. This sense of awe, or restraint, is generated by the attribute of Hod. It helps shape a more thoughtful, respectful relationship with the sea. Instead of trying to conquer it, we want to understand and appreciate it deeply, from a distance if necessary.

Finally, when these two tendencies of passion and reverence are properly balanced, the attribute of Yesod is activated. It creates the space for an ideal connection.

These three aspects- Netzach, Hod, and Yesod- should guide our approach to relationships. First, we need to cultivate within ourselves a thirst for connection with others- to be genuinely happy when we see someone and to offer them our full attention, as if they were our dearest friend.

Then, we must learn to regulate the intensity of our connections. Unrestrained love can be overwhelming and suffocating, and we therefore need to hold back when appropriate. We must look closely at what the other person truly needs and take the time to understand them. When we gain these tools, we can build truly balanced and meaningful relationships.

Love for others is not confined to emotion alone, but must also be expressed through words and actions.

1. Love Through Emotions

The first step in love is to feel that another person is truly worthy of our affection, to create feelings of warmth toward them, and to internalize a sense of shared responsibility for their actions. This is not contingent on the other person's behavior- the mere fact that someone is a creation of G-d, made in His image, is enough reason to love them.

When the Torah tells us to hate evil, it refers only to the actions, not the person. Because we love people, we are obligated to reject their destructive behaviors and seek change.

To love others in our hearts means to care deeply about their material and spiritual well-being, and to always judge them favorably. A friend from a yeshiva in Jerusalem once told me that he was walking on a Shabbat with a Torah scholar when a car passed by. The rabbi called after it, “Mazel Tov!” My friend was puzzled. “But he’s violating Shabbat! Why would you bless him instead of rebuking him?” The rabbi answered, “If he’s driving on Shabbat, his wife must be in labor because that’s a scenario where driving is permitted.” Some may see this as naive, since many Jews today don’t keep Shabbat. But the rabbi’s ability to judge favorably was so strong that he truly believed the man was on his way to the hospital.

In addition to cultivating love, we must also develop compassion, empathy, and positive character traits toward others, until they become deeply embedded within us.

2. Love Through Speech

A single word can save a life, or destroy one. Love is also conveyed through the words we speak. It is strictly forbidden to speak negatively about another person. The Chafetz Chaim wrote an extensive book full of detailed laws on how careful one must be when mentioning someone in conversation. It is forbidden to diminish a person’s value with remarks like, “He doesn’t do his job well,” or, “She’s gained weight.” Even recounting a true negative act is prohibited. The laws of speech are vast, and although we cannot explore them all here, every reader is encouraged to study and improve in this area.

Publicly shaming someone is also forbidden and creates distance between people. Saying things like, “That’s your new haircut? Hilarious,” or, “Hey Moshe, you finally passed that grade? About time, huh?”- especially in front of others- is considered one of the gravest offenses which our sages compare to murder. We often think it’s just a joke, but the psychological damage it can inflict is sometimes irreversible.

Mocking nicknames can also be terribly destructive. A person’s name contains their entire essence and life story, which is why we say, “His name precedes him.” If I greet someone with, “What’s up, shrimp?” I’ve reduced their whole identity to a physical trait. Even if they say they’re not offended, deep down, everyone cares how they’re addressed.

That said, loving others through speech does not mean staying silent- on the contrary- positive words can be tremendously powerful. Offering advice, teaching someone about life’s purpose, or encouraging another with kind words can restore a person’s hope. Even calling someone by their name- if they are used to being referred to with a derogatory nickname- can be a powerful form of love.

3. Love Through Action

To love only in your heart is not enough. It’s vital to feel love and reflect on it, but a person is not only what they think and feel- they are also what they do. When we see someone struggling, we must help them in practical ways: through charity, education, or even a simple smile. Often, a sincere smile is more valuable than thousands of dollars. In many cases, money is not the solution, but a gesture of kindness can change everything.

There are countless ways to show love through action, from the simplest to the most creative. A simple yet valuable practice is greeting those around us with a warm “hello.” The Torah even advises us to be the first to greet others- lest we overlook someone and cause harm by ignoring them. Some people may have nothing but a “hello” to their name- and if we withhold that, we leave them with nothing.

Undoubtedly, spiritual assistance is the most foundational form of love. When we meet people who are distant from the Torah, we can gently guide them toward its values. Many people have great hearts but never had the opportunity to learn or ask deep questions about their purpose. We must therefore help them see how meaningful Torah study can be.

Loving humanity doesn't require massive world changes such as ending hunger, poverty, or war. While those are noble goals, they are not within our immediate reach. Helping those who are within our reach, and especially prioritizing those closest to us including visiting a sick grandfather, supporting aging parents, giving financial help to a cousin or nephew are loving gestures that can improve our world, one day at a time.

From the book "Dan's Journey in Search of the Meaning of Life" by Roni Dayan. To purchase the book at Hidabroot Shops, click here