How to View Our Challenges as Opportunities

The purpose of all creation, from the largest galaxy to the tiniest bacterium, is singular: for each one to improve their personal traits. By doing so, they contribute to the world, drawing closer to and resembling the Creator. The personal goal for each of us is to become a good person with positive attributes. The Vilna Gaon makes this clear when he declares: "The essence of a person's life is the improvement of their good traits, for otherwise, what is the purpose of life?" (The Vilna Gaon, Even Shlomo, Chapter 1:2).

Every person needs to aim to develop qualities such as self-control over their emotions, impulses, and desires, and to have compassion, empathy, humility, calmness, patience, and trust in Hashem, among others. This, in addition to understanding that we must serve the world, not the other way around. We need to reflect annually: Are we improving? Our progress is often evident in small gestures.

When someone needs the right of way while I’m driving, do I speed up or let them go ahead? How do I react when someone else gets promoted at work instead of me? Can I genuinely be happy for them and celebrate their success? What’s my relationship with food? Do I truly thank G-d for the food I have? When I am criticized—do I get hurt, or do I appreciate the chance to fix a mistake?

Since this is the foundation of the purpose of creating, we can say that everything that happens to us and the world, without exception, revolves around this: to challenge us so that we improve our personal traits. We tend to think that we must be calm to handle daily challenges, but in fact the challenges present so that we can strive to be calm and improve. The family we are born into, whether or not we have money, the person we marry, all these are meticulously planned to challenge and improve us.

A person lacking patience is likely to find themselves married to a very sensitive partner, forcing them to develop patience. If my partner is in a bad mood, if my boss argues with me, if there are children outside shouting and disturbing me – these are situations Hashem creates to shape my personality.

The stars were created so we would learn to marvel at divine creation; animals – so we can learn from their behavior and distinguish ourselves from them.

We can learn loyalty from birds, modesty from cats, and honesty from ants (Babylonian Talmud, Eruvin, 100b). The most important lesson is that we are different from them, that we shouldn't act impulsively because we have the ability to think before we act.

We can say that it's impossible to fulfill Hashem's desire or practice His commandments without working on our traits- just as a person without arms cannot don tefillin, so a person without good traits cannot fulfill commandments (The Vilna Gaon, Even Shlomo, 1:1).

The reverse is also true: All the Torah's laws and its commandments aim to improve us as human beings. Our dietary and relational restrictions, things we can or cannot say, for example, exist to develop our self-control. The respect for parents and elders also exists to develop a sense of gratitude. Shabbat and the Sabbatical year are to cultivate faith and awareness that Hashem provides for us, even when we are not working.

Even commandments without an apparent purpose exist to develop our humility in accepting Hashem's will, even without understanding them. By working on our traits and fulfilling commandments, we reach the final goal of connecting with Hashem and doing good in the world. 

Marriage is essential for personal improvement, and its challenges will magnify our flaws. Often, we are in the midst of a relationship crisis, unable to find a solution until we realize it lies in improving our behavior. We then find the strength within us that was hidden until that moment: We are capable of recognizing mistakes, our humility extends beyond what we knew, and we can advance further; to love someone means not expecting anything in return.

Our journey on the path of personal development is like driving at night with headlights on. As we move forward, the headlights reveal a new horizon, and we discover time and again our ability to progress far beyond.

From the book "The Architect," by Roni Dayan. To purchase the book on Hidabroot Shops, click here.