Be Yourself! Who Else Is Better Qualified?

It was a regular afternoon when, out of the blue, I heard the sound of heels clicking down the hallway toward the kitchen where I was standing.

When I looked up, I saw my 8-year-old daughter, dressed in my nicest clothes — and wearing my high heels. She walked toward me with a playful grin, and honestly, I couldn’t help but smile back. But on her next step, she almost tripped, and that’s when I gently asked her to take them off and be herself again.

This is essentially the reality of anyone who tries to "step into the shoes" of someone else, or tries to wear the clothes of someone else, or think like someone else, or sound and behave like someone else. Somewhere along the way, they stumble and fall.

When we step into the shoes of someone who is larger than us by two or three sizes, and try to walk – our stability is shaken and we feel a lack of confidence

Every person is created with a toolbox uniquely tailored to them for their specific role. When they don't know how to open it and make use of it, they begin to feel empty and very quickly glance towards someone else who seems to be living a life of fulfillment, achievement and actualization (this is because they are using their toolbox).

Instead of understanding the source of their friend's satisfaction, they take on another persona and ultimately lose themselves. If they would only notice their own toolbox, they would experience the same degree of satisfaction.

The author of the Tanya, R' Shneur Zalman of Liadi, explains that there are three garments of the soul: thought, speech, and action and these are unique to each person's soul.

Just as we have a fear of stumbling when wearing shoes that aren't our size, we experience insecurity when we don't wear our soul's garments that fit us perfectly.

We’re all different in how we think — in the "mental toolbox" we carry, in the way we speak to ourselves internally, the way we speak to others, and in how we behave and act. Only when we learn to express ourselves from a place of authenticity — from our true self — can we really walk through life with confidence. It is in this space that we truly feel connected to who we are.

There, in essence, we return to ourselves...

Inbal Elhayani, M.A, is a certified therapist in NLP, mindfulness, and guided imagery.