Our Triggers Can Be Our Greatest Teachers

As we move through life, it’s inevitable that we’ll come across people whose behavior may not match our values or the social norms we hold dear.

It can be upsetting and painful when someone disrespects you in public, puts their own interests ahead of yours, blocks your promotion at work, stirs up drama with your close friends, acts arrogant, belittles you, and boosts themselves at your expense.

It is of course harder is when these people aren’t strangers, but members of our family and those we expect to treat us with love and respect. That type of betrayal cuts deep and often doesn't make any sense.

The Root of the Struggle

When someone isn’t living in alignment with their true inner self- when they’re disconnected from their core- they often lack the emotional tools to handle life’s challenges in a healthy way.

Such a person becomes highly sensitive to how others see them. They constantly act in response to the outside world, trying to impress, intimidate, or earn approval. To protect themselves, they build a fake persona- a version of themselves they believe others will admire, fear, or respect.

Over time, this outer persona takes over. They show it to the world and hide their true self. The more disconnected they are from who they really are, the more dominant this fake self becomes. They lose touch with their inner core, and what we see on the outside is often harsh, defensive, and sometimes even aggressive.

They may lash out, act jealous, sabotage your relationships or job, or make snide comments- not because of who you are, but because of what remains unresolved inside them.

Sometimes, they’ll wear a “people-pleaser” mask as a way to gain favor. They may even use you to win over others, or the other way around. This can leave you feeling used, betrayed, and unsure where you stand with them.

Why Are They In My Life?

The reason these people are in your life likely isn't random. Perhaps they are there to challenge you and help you grow.

When someone treats you poorly, it stirs up pain, anger and confusion. That moment is your emotional “fall.” But what matters is what happens next. The getting back up is where growth happens if you’re willing to build something stronger within yourself.

If you avoid doing the inner work, you’ll probably run into the same patterns again- perhaps with this person or with someone else.

Turn inward, take time to reflect and ask yourself: Why did this person trigger me so much? What emotions came up, and are they new or familiar? What old wounds might this be pointing me toward? What in me is still unresolved and asking for healing?

These questions propel you toward personal growth. As you build yourself up from the inside, those same people start to disappear from your life, or at least, they lose their power over you.

Their real purpose was to trigger your healing, but once that work is done, they’re no longer needed as messengers.

Inner Transformation Changes Everything

Once you do that inner work, you start to see these people differently. The person who once triggered you so deeply simply doesn’t affect you the same way anymore. You no longer feel the urge to avoid them, the emotional charge is gone and now you can connect with them, or even just exist around them, without feeling threatened or small.

Your lens has shifted, you see others more compassionately, and you communicate more authentically and meaningfully- not only with them, but with everyone.

Let’s be honest, we all wear a mask sometimes. We all have places in ourselves that still need healing, and sometimes we are the difficult person in someone else’s story. We all become a challenge for others on their path, just like they do for us.

Perhaps “difficult people” aren’t in the way, but they are part of the way. If each of us truly understood and lived by that idea, we’d stop needing these tough interactions so often, and from there redemption will follow.

​Inbal Elhayani, M.A., is a certified NLP practitioner, a guided imagery therapist, writer, and lecturer.