More Than a Checkmark: Bringing Heart Back into Our Mitzvot

All our actions are made up of two parts: the technical and the emotional. The emotional side is stronger in new experiences, while the technical side dominates routine activities. In many areas, we’ve turned life into something purely technical- a sort of spiritual checkbox routine.

The “technical person” conquers goals through the “checkmark” method. Every task completed gets a √ = “done.” This may be efficient and even necessary.

But when a person treats their Shabbat table in this way- by checking off singing Shabbat songs for example- it becomes a burdensome chore. Family members end up waiting for the “ordeal” to be over. The same applies to prayer or any act of Divine service.

In this section, we’ll introduce core ideas to help develop into a person of true spiritual quality.

“Our great goal is not to force you to walk in G-d’s way against your will, but to awaken within you the desire to do so. For we are not satisfied with your good deeds alone; we want you yourself to be good.” (Introduction to Chovat HaTalmidim) 

“We have already told you: it’s not enough to simply do good deeds; you yourself must become good.” (ibid, p. 132)

Our Sages say: “A smiling face is better than milk.” - Rabbi Yochanan teaches that whitening one’s teeth in a smile is more valuable than giving someone milk to drink. (Ketubot 111b) 

“Rabbi Yitzchak said: One who gives a coin to a poor person is blessed with six blessings, but one who offers comforting words is blessed with eleven.” (Bava Batra 9b) 

“There’s someone who feeds his father fine food and is punished for it, while another makes his father grind grain and earns the World to Come.” (Kiddushin 31a)

Smiling at a friend is worth more than what you give him to drink, blessing a poor person warmly is worth more than the money you give, and showing care to your father is more important than gourmet meals.

In all the above sources, our sages place technical actions on one side of the scale and the heart on the other. And the heart always wins.

The Difference Between a Gemach and Real Kindness

Consider gemachim (free-loan resource centers) as an example: they’re everywhere today- cribs, medicine, tools, money. A “gemach” is an abbreviation for Gemilut Chasadim (acts of kindness).

Is it possible that someone running several gemachim may still be far from truly being a kind person, and maybe even full of baseless hatred?

Absolutely.

The Talmud says: “Why was the First Temple destroyed? Because of idolatry, immorality, and murder. But the Second Temple, where people engaged in Torah, mitzvot, and acts of kindness- why was it destroyed? Because of baseless hatred. This teaches that baseless hatred is equal in weight to the three worst sins.”

How is that possible? How can there be acts of kindness and yet also hatred that leads to destruction?

This is the very difference between a heart-driven act and a mechanical one. You can run many gemachim, but still be full of animosity.

Why Don’t We Say Blessings Over Interpersonal Mitzvot?

If interpersonal mitzvot are so important, why don’t we recite blessings over them? To understand this, let’s first explore: Why do we say blessings before mitzvot at all?

A blessing prepares us to spiritually engage. Mitzvot contain deep holiness and potential for uplift, but only if they’re done with heart- “And you shall place it upon your heart.” If a mitzvah is done mechanically, we may lose that spiritual light.

This explains the difference between someone “full of mitzvot like a pomegranate” and a tzaddik. Both are full of good deeds- but the difference is in how those deeds are done.

The role of the blessing is to spiritually elevate the act and draw us closer to G-d. For mitzvot between people, the focus isn’t on our relationship with G-d, but on our connection to others. Chazal teach us that a smile, warm tone, and emotional presence are more powerful than the deed itself.

Chazal didn’t institute blessings for interpersonal mitzvot because a blessing would damage the essence of the kindness. It would shift the focus from connection and warmth to ritual and personal righteousness.

If every time you gave charity, respected your parents, or helped a neighbor you paused and said, “Blessed are You, Hashem…who commanded us to help others", it would make the act feel transactional, not personal. Instead of building a bridge of love, it would feel like another checkbox.

As the Talmud says: “G-d desires the heart.”

This article is taken from the book "Ben Adam v'Chavero".