The Guaranteed Path to Mental and Emotional Resilience

1. Don't waste time on self-pity. Time is the most precious asset in a person's life. Just as you wouldn't give someone money only to see it burned, it's irrational to burn your own time. Somehow, when it comes to self-pity, we tend to sit and dwell on thoughts such as "How unfortunate I am, how did I fall for this, why has life been so cruel to me, why me?"

Mentally strong people don't feel sorry for themselves because they understand that it's not productive. They are driven by a desire to move forward and they therefore act with an approach that moves them towards goals and improvement, rather than one that keeps them stuck in their current situation or away from their objectives.

We feel self-pity when we assume that our situation is worse than our surroundings. If everyone was in our position, we would accept that this is life for everyone. But when others are faring better than us, we begin to feel sorry for ourselves.

We learn that Noah was the righteous man of his generation, but didn't have children until he was 500 years old. He didn't pity himself, nor saw it as unfair; but understood that everything has its precise timing, and when the right moment comes, it will happen. Indeed, the Midrash explains that this delay had divine reasons. If Noah had children at an early age, he would have needed to build numerous arks to accommodate all his descendants, and if his children had been over 20 years old before the flood, they would have been judged harshly and may have perished. Hashem didn't want Noah to endure the sorrow of losing children, and he was eventually blessed with three sons from whom the entire world was rebuilt.

We must believe that there is divine intervention in our lives. All that happens is precisely for us and for our benefit, thereby eliminating any reason for self-pity.

2. Don't blame others. Blaming someone else for our problems is easy, but can never improve our situation. People can definitely influence us, but they cannot determine if we will ultimately be angry, annoyed, sad, or not. Their role is to bring us to a point of challenge so we can enhance our personalities, akin to physical exercises that create resistance and thereby strengthen our muscles. This resistance from others to our internal will builds our mental muscles.

3. Don't fear the pain of change. There are two kingdoms: the 'Comfort Zone' and the 'Growth Zone.' The boundary between them is the pain of change or fear of change.

We all try to remain in our comfort zone, which is our known, secure, and certain state. To move to the growth zone, you must learn to break through the boundaries of fear or pain.

Change is painful and unpleasant, but once we move through it, our situation become easier. The difficulty passes when you make two decisions:

1. To let go of the current situation. As long as the current situation is an option for you, there's an internal battle about whether or not to make the change. Only when you determine that the current situation isn't an option can change occur.
2. Not to fear the pain of change. Every pain associated with change is pain of growth, a positive pain. You only need to make a small change each time because every small change can ultimately transform everything.

4. Don't care only about yourself. Mentally strong people are able to step outside their own bubble. In the Torah, we learn that Abraham asks Shem, the son of Noah, how they survived the flood. Shem replies that it was because they showed kindness and took care of the animals on the ark. Abraham responds by saying — if that’s the reward for helping animals, imagine how much greater the reward is for helping people.

When people focus on helping others, it takes their mind off their own problems. Instead of getting stuck in their own struggles and thoughts, they can shift their perspective and rise above it.

5. Don't give up after failure. Everyone fails, but mentally strong people persist despite failures. After a fall, you need to lift your head and carry on.

6. Don't expect immediate results. Everything worthwhile in life takes time. Hashem rewards us for every effort we make, even if we haven't yet reached the desired result.

In the story of Noah, G-d tells him to bring pairs of animals into the ark. But interestingly, G-d says that the animals will come to the ark on their own, except for the pure animals (the ones used for sacred purposes). Those, Noah must bring himself — and not just two, but seven of each.

What’s the deeper message here?

G-d is teaching us that when doing something meaningful or sacred, we shouldn't just wait for things to happen — we’re expected to put in the effort ourselves. That effort is actually part of serving G-d. Every bit of work, every step we take toward a goal — especially a spiritual or moral one — is part of the process. Even the struggle itself brings value and moves us forward.

7. Don't dwell on past thoughts. Everything that happens to us has already been determined from above. We will go through what we must, but the manner in which we face these challenges depends on our choices. We can go through them with complaints, pity, tears, and sadness, or with faith, hope, positive spirit, and the attitude that 'the best is yet to come.' Don't get stuck lamenting the past; believe that the best is still ahead of you.

8. Don't wish to be someone else. Everyone has their own package, containing life's goodness and challenges. In the end, nobody would want to exchange their package with someone else's. We don't know what others deal with in their lives. We must understand that at this phase in life, this package is the best for us, as decided by Hashem, until He decides otherwise.