What is the Reason for Self-Sabotage and How Can We Prevent It?

To the previous article: Things You Must Change in Yourself to Avoid Self-Harm

One of the most important lessons we can take from the teachings of the Maharal is about the incredible power of the subconscious mind. Most of us see ourselves as logical people, living in a world that operates with reason. Subsequently, we tend to ignore the extent of which our thoughts and beliefs—especially the ones we’re not even fully aware of—shape our reality.

Consider for example, someone who worked hard for many years and is finally ready to get a long-awaited promotion. If deep down he sees himself as a failure or as someone who doesn’t deserve success, that belief is going to impact his behavior. He may find it hard to truly believe in his abilities or that the success is real. Instead, he’ll be constantly worried that it’s all temporary and that it will fall apart at any moment. The reason for this is that the success doesn’t match the identity he’s created for himself.

As a result of this he walks around feeling like his whole world can come crashing down at any moment, leading him to make mistakes—sometimes small ones, sometimes major ones—because deep inside, he’s sure it’s just a matter of time before he fails. That fear ultimately becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If when walking across a wooden plank over a river, you’re afraid of falling, that fear may actually cause you to lose your balance. The same is true with success: if you don’t believe you’re worthy of it, you can unknowingly sabotage yourself.

This can happen to anyone, even those who have already experienced success. Studies show that many lottery winners lose all their winnings within just a few years. It’s not because they lack intelligence or options—but because they still see themselves as “poor.” Their subconscious minds are working to maintain that inner identity, even if it means making reckless financial decisions.

The Moral Side of Self-Sabotage

Sometimes, self-sabotage is not a result of low self-esteem, but stems from moral conflict.

If someone received a large sum of money through dishonest means, while they may enjoy the wealth, they may also feel ashamed or guilty about how they got it. This inner conflict creates emotional discomfort. Because our minds are wired to seek balance, the subconscious might “solve” the problem by getting rid of the money, so that the person no longer feels conflicted.

We see similar things happen with spies. A spy living under a false identity may start to connect with the people around him—people he's required to betray. Over time, this emotional bond can create a serious conflict inside him- he knows his mission, but he also starts to care about those he's targeting. That conflict can cause him to make mistakes that he wouldn't make if he was thinking clearly. These aren’t random errors- they are often the subconscious trying to end the internal tension by bringing everything into the open.

When these spies are eventually caught and imprisoned, they often look back and wonder, “Why did I do that? What was I thinking?” But their actions weren’t truly irrational—they were driven by a deep, internal need to end the emotional conflict, even at a high cost.