Can a Hesitant Person Learn to Make Good Decisions?

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Many people ask: Can someone who’s naturally indecisive become a confident decision-maker?

But maybe that’s not the right question.

A better question might be: Is it possible to ease the anxiety that comes with decision-making — regardless of how things turn out? Can we change how we respond to decisions, so we don’t feel fear, pressure, or distress when facing them?

In the following lines, we’ll explore a few tools to help make that happen.

1. Focus on the Values, Not Just the Outcome

One of the most helpful ways to reduce the pressure around making decisions is to focus less on the outcome, and more on the value behind your decision.

For example:

• Thinking about changing your eating habits to be healthier? Instead of obsessing over what to eat or not eat, focus on the deeper value driving the decision: a desire to take responsibility for your health.

• Debating whether to help your child buy their first home? Focus on the value of family support and generosity.

When we focus on the values guiding our choices, even if things don’t turn out perfectly, we’ll feel more at peace — because we stayed true to what matters to us.

The outcome becomes secondary. What matters is that we acted from a place of integrity and meaning.

2. Don’t Revisit Your Decision Over and Over Again

Once you’ve made a decision — stick with it. Don’t keep questioning it every time something small goes wrong.

Commit upfront to give the decision a fair amount of time before re-evaluating, so that you're not living in constant doubt and second-guessing. This provides your mind with space to relax and your decision a real chance to succeed.

3. Ask Yourself: What Am I Getting Out of Not Deciding?

When you're stuck and can’t decide, ask: “What am I gaining from avoiding this decision?” “And what is it costing me?”

Often, we find that avoiding a decision gives us a short-term emotional benefit including staying under the protection of our parents, avoiding the daily work of building a relationship, or not risking rejection.

When you weigh that against the cost — of missing out on love, connection, growth — the balance often tips in favor of making a decision. This awareness helps us move forward with more clarity and courage.

4. Self-Doubt Often Hides Behind Indecision

Sometimes, the real reason we struggle to decide is low self-esteem. When we don’t believe we can succeed, or don’t feel worthy of good things, every decision feels like a potential failure.

For someone in that mindset, even trying feels dangerous — so it’s safer not to try at all.

But the truth is that fear doesn’t come from the decision itself — it comes from a deep belief that we’re not enough. In such a situation, we tend to hide our talents not just from others — but even from ourselves.

5. Believe in Your Own Strength

There is a powerful teaching from the Kotzker Rebbe: The Talmud (Sotah 42a) says that even if a person’s only merit is saying the Shema (morning and evening), they are still protected in battle.

But elsewhere it says that someone who even just talks between putting on tefillin is sent home from war for fear of sin. That seems harsh!

The Kotzker explains: the difference lies in faith in the power of your own actions. If someone believes that their mitzvah — however small — has real value, then it protects them. If however they don’t believe in themselves, even small mistakes can become major stumbling blocks.

The same is true in life in general- believing in your strengths and in the weight of your decisions can make all the difference between success and stagnation.

6. Don't Judge the Future by the Past

Some people avoid decisions because they’re not sure they can follow through. Maybe they’ve failed before — they began studying and quit halfway, or took a course and didn’t complete it.

This kind of thinking misses something critical: The very act of deciding changes you. Even if the “you” of yesterday couldn’t finish what you started, the new you — the one who decided, who chose to act — is not the same person.

A new decision brings new energy, new clarity, new strength.

We grow into our commitments. Once we jump in, we often surprise ourselves with what we can actually do.

7. Partial Success Is Still Success

If you decide to make a change, and only manage to follow through halfway, this is still far better than not trying at all. Progress is the goal, not perfection.

Taking action, even imperfectly, is what builds momentum. It gives you experience, confidence, and motivation to keep going.

8. Start Small

If big decisions feel overwhelming right now, that’s okay.
Start with small ones. Build the “decision muscle” with low-stakes choices. This helps retrain your brain to stop treating every decision like a life-or-death event. Over time, small wins add up. They improve your mood, give you confidence, and create a sense of movement and growth.

And when that happens — you’ll be ready for the bigger decisions, the ones that really shape your life.

You don’t need to be fearless or perfect to make good decisions.
With a little clarity, a little courage, and a willingness to take the next small step, you'll find that you're more capable than you ever believed.