Chronic Indecision: Why Is It Hard for Us to Make Decisions?

Often, when we need to make a significant decision in our lives, even after we’ve completed the necessary checks and investigated the details to the best of our ability— we still find ourselves hesitating unnecessarily, repeatedly revisiting the same questions that have already been thoroughly examined.

For example, in the context of matchmaking, it is not uncommon for someone to continue doubting and stalling even after all inquiries have been completed and there seems to be a potential match. They continue raising the same questions—questions that may be legitimate on their own—but which have already been thoroughly considered. These doubts typically don't stem from new information, but rather from a fear that perhaps something important was missed.

Asking questions is logical, sensible, and even commendable. However, when too many questions are asked—especially if they are repetitive—it becomes an illogical pattern, generally driven by a fear of making a mistake or choosing something that isn’t the “perfect” choice.

The question we’re often trying to answer is: Who says this is the right decision? What if it turns out to be wrong? But these are questions for which we can never have complete answers. For nearly every major decision in life, there’s no such thing as a “guarantee.” In the end, we must make choices without knowing the future.

For this reason, almost no decision can be said to be 100% “correct,” because the most significant variable—the future—is unknown.

A right decision is not one that is guaranteed to prove itself under all circumstances, nor one that can never turn out to be wrong due to factors beyond our control. A right decision is one that was made responsibly, based on the information available at the time.

It is possible that a decision that is right today may turn out to be a poor one years down the line. That does not mean the original decision was wrong, but it was appropriate at the time it was made, and circumstances have since changed—or new facts have emerged that require us to reassess and possibly change course.

Consider for example someone choosing a career path that seems suitable at the time. A few years later, they may discover that the profession demands traits they don’t possess, or that changing life circumstances make that profession irrelevant. Perhaps the job market has shifted, and demand for that profession has dropped.

In all these cases, the decision was likely correct at the time—even if it later turns out not to be ideal or due to new realities, it may need to be revisited or even reversed. What was correct a few years ago is not necessarily still relevant today.

Sometimes it is only after making a decision and experiencing the situation firsthand that we realize it’s not a good fit. Even then, that doesn’t mean the decision was wrong—because without the opportunity to experience it, we never would have known.

This process is like a journey. Sometimes, we need to walk a certain path for a while just to discover that it leads nowhere. In other cases, a path won’t lead directly to our destination, but rather to another path that will take us where we want to go. And sometimes, a change in terrain forces us to retrace our steps to the starting point.

Still, it is a mistake to say the original path was the wrong one—because at the time, we had no way of knowing what the outcome would be. The decision made at that moment was the right one, even if later we need to reassess and explore a different path.

Starting Point

This approach is critical to every life decision, whether it ultimately proves correct over time or we later need to recalculate our course.

If our default mindset is that only decisions which prove themselves “successful” over many years count as valid, then we’ll approach every new path with hesitation—because, truthfully, we can’t know in advance where that path will lead.

Someone may choose a profession or a place to live, but even after making the decision, they remain tormented by doubts. They may continue second-guessing themselves, which drains emotional energy and prevents them from fully committing to their choice.

It’s not a problem to evaluate our decisions in hindsight. But before we can evaluate them, we must live them. During the experience itself, we should let go of judgment and focus on living the experience. Only once we’ve fully internalized it can we look back and reflect about how we might make a better decision next time.

When our starting point values thoughtful decision-making based on current information, we are empowered to experience our choices confidently and energetically—even though uncertainty about the future will always remain in the background.

Indeed, every decision involves a certain degree of risk. But it’s essential to understand that this risk is far preferable to inaction and hesitation, which may eliminate risk—but also eliminates any chance of reward.

The expectation that every decision must prove itself over time, regardless of changing circumstances, is paralyzing. It prevents people from acting and initiating because for the most part, complete certainty simply doesn’t exist.

When making a decision, we must do everything in our power to ensure it's the best choice possible based on the information we have right now. We must also accept that mistakes are a natural part of a life that lead to meaningful action.