The Cure for Jealousy Lies Within

As mentioned in a previous article, jealousy often stems from a person’s lack of confidence in their own ability to achieve significant accomplishments, comparable t the peoploe around them. The jealous person often struggles with self-doubt and a lack of belief in their capabilities, and as a result, instead of focusing on growth and striving for success, they invest their energy in trying to undermine the achievements of others, or in denying their value altogether.

Even if someone succeeds in minimizing the success of others and momentarily eases the pain of comparison, this still does not address the deeper issue of their lack of self-trust.

They may belittle the achievements of others, but will still be faced with the same inner struggle of frustration born of their own lack of confidence. Until this person addresses the root cause and strengthens their belief in their own potential and talents, the problem will continue resurfacing in ways they may not expect.

How can a person build true self-confidence?

When a person learns to love themselves, they will naturally begin to recognize their value.

In some of my workshops, I divide participants into pairs and ask each person to share what they do for others- physical help, emotional support, respectful listening, or kindness.

After a few minutes, I ask the group a simple question:
"You just described everything you do for others. What percentage of that same effort do you put into doing good for yourself? How much time and energy do you devote daily to caring for your own wellbeing?"

Sadly, most people say they do far less for themselves than they do for others. Whether or not this is objectively true, it reflects a mindset where most people don’t feel they have permission to care for themselves. They view self-care as selfish, and inconsistent with moral values.

The Torah teaches us: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Loving yourself is the baseline of self-love from where you're expected to extend love to others. There is no justification for denying love, care, or investment in yourself.

The proper path is one of balance which entails giving to others while also giving to ourselves. A person who constantly gives to others while neglecting themselves, develops low self-worth and begins to believe, even subconsciously, that they’re undeserving of care or kindness.

While this belief may be tolerable in theory, it is not sustainable in real life. Every human being has emotional and psychological needs that go far beyond basic physical survival. If a person ignores their own needs and doesn’t legitimize fulfilling them, they eventually begin to feel jealous of others and view them as somehow more deserving of joy, success, or support than they are.

A person who values and loves themselves, and knows how to give to themselves, won’t feel jealous of others. Such a person won't measure their self-worth by comparing themselves to others, but by comparing themselves to their own personal goals and growth. When they see others succeed, they’ll recognize: "Just as they succeeded, I too can succeed if I invest in myself".

A Generous Eye Will Be Blessed

King Solomon, the wisest of all men, teaches in Proverbs (22:9):
“A generous eye will be blessed.” At first glance, this means that someone with a generous eye blesses others by encouraging them and helping them succeed. But how does his generosity lead to his own blessing?

When a person has a generous eye and truly rejoices in others’ success, they are sending a subconscious message to themselves that someone else's success is not a threat to their own. They’re saying, "I want others to succeed, because their success doesn’t diminish mine. If I choose to, I can succeed as well!"

Someone who is jealous and resentful of others’ achievements, sends themselves the opposite message: "If someone else succeeds, that means there’s less success left for me." They subconsciously decide: "If I want to succeed, I need to sabotage others’ success."

This creates a dangerous internal belief that another person's victory automatically results in your failure. If you accept that, every time you see someone else thrive, you will give up before even trying due to the mistaken assumption that there isn't enough success for both of you.

A person with a generous eye believes in their own potential. They see others’ success as inspiration, not competition, and from that mindset, they are far more likely to achieve their goals.

If you want to uproot jealousy from your life, the best path is to develop a generous eye. Even if it feels inauthentic at first, practice rejoicing in others' accomplishments and cheering them on. Over time, this will change the messages your subconscious is receiving. You’ll begin to genuinely believe in yourself, and that belief will fuel your own success without jealousy, bitterness, or comparison.