The Strength of Letting Go: When Restraint Opens the Gates of Blessing

“I have an acquaintance who, for some reason, decided to make my life miserable. He harassed me and hurt me in all sorts of unpleasant ways. One day, I had a golden opportunity to get back at him- to show him that my dignity is not up for grabs. It was the perfect chance. I almost took revenge and gave him a taste of his own medicine, but at the last second, I stopped myself.

I thought to myself: The Torah commands, ‘You shall not take revenge nor bear a grudge’- this is a biblical commandment! How can I violate G-d’s will? Especially when Sefer HaChinuch explains that the reason for this commandment is to reinforce our belief that everything comes from G-d, and that people are merely messengers. So I held back. I let go, even though it was hard. 

That very day, my boss called me and said he had noticed my dedication and efficiency at work and decided I was suited for a higher-ranking position. From that moment on, I was promoted- with a raise of hundreds of dollars in my monthly salary, a company car, gas expenses covered, and other significant bonuses. I thanked G-d. I knew the timing wasn’t a coincidence. I had passed a spiritual test- I didn’t fall into hatred or conflict. And in return, G-d opened the gates of abundance for me.”

There is a spiritual law that someone who chooses to forgive generously and let things go, awakens that same generosity from Heaven, and brings about Heavenly mercy.

The Talmud tells us that during a severe drought, Rabbi Eliezer prayed for rain but was not answered. Rabbi Akiva prayed afterward- and his prayer was answered. Why? A Heavenly voice explained: “It’s not that Rabbi Akiva is greater than Rabbi Eliezer, but that Rabbi Akiva overlooks insults and lets things go, and Rabbi Eliezer does not.” (Taanit 25b)

Because Rabbi Akiva practiced personal forgiveness, his prayer asking G-d to “let things go” and send rain was accepted.

Beware of False Forgiveness

It’s important to recognize the difference between genuine forgiveness and the appearance of forgiveness.

True forgiveness is done with a clean and complete heart, accompanied by a sense of inner growth and spiritual elevation. When it’s real, the issue no longer lingers emotionally. It doesn’t eat away at the heart, nor does it resurface later in future arguments.

In contrast, fake forgiveness may look good on the outside, but the person is still harboring frustration and emotional baggage. This bottled-up resentment can eventually show up as bitterness toward others, or even self-directed anger from a feeling of being trampled on or used.

Are you truly letting go from a place of inner peace and capacity to embrace the other person, or are you bottling things up in the name of short-term peace?

The Dangers of Chronic One-Sided Compromise

In relationships where one person is constantly expected to “give in” or stay silent, a dangerous emotional pattern can form.

This "chronic giver" may begin to lose their sense of self, feeling that they have no voice, no value, and no space for their own needs or desires. Over time, they may become emotionally distant, bitter, small-minded, and deeply unhappy. They may even grow cold toward the very person they’re trying to maintain peace with.

If you’re not able to let go from a whole and healthy place, it’s better not to remain silent. Instead, open a respectful and patient conversation with the other person. Aim for mutual understanding and a compromise that both sides can agree to.

Only then, can true peace and healing begin.