The Six Stages of Change: A Real Path to Lasting Growth

To successfully make a real and lasting change, we all move through six key stages:

1. Pre-contemplation

2. Contemplation

3. Decision and Preparation

4. Action

5. Maintenance and Relapse Prevention

6. Relapse

(This is based on the book Changing to Thrive.)

Everyone goes through change. We often make a mistake when we look only at the final outcome of those who have "made it" and who seem to have achieved great heights in life. We tend to forget the process they went through. It may seem that things were easier for them, so of course they succeeded.

That perception is false.

Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner zt”l, in his book Pachad Yitzchak (Letters and Writings, p. 217), wrote: “A serious flaw in our thinking is that when we speak about the greatness of our Torah giants, we focus only on their final level of spiritual perfection. We skip over the inner battles they fought to reach that level. The impression we give is as if they were born into their greatness. Everyone talks about the purity of speech of the Chafetz Chaim zt”l, but who knows about the struggles, the wars, and the obstacles he faced in his battle with the evil inclination?”

The Six Stages of Change

1. Pre-contemplation – Not yet aware or acknowledging a need to change.

2. Contemplation – Beginning to reflect on the need for change.

3. Decision and Preparation – Committing to change and preparing for it.

4. Action – Taking concrete steps.

5. Maintenance – Sustaining the change and avoiding regression.

6. Relapse – A setback that is often a natural and integrated part of the process.

These stages aren’t a straight staircase. They form more of a cycle, where even relapse isn’t a failure- it’s part of the journey. We don’t always move forward without slipping- but if we're determined, we keep going until we reach our goal.

In future articles, we’ll break down these stages and focus on:

A. Identifying where you are in the cycle in relation to a particular behavior.
B. Learning how to move forward to the next stage for progress and growth.

Are you on an upward path or in decline?

The Saba of Slabodka (Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel) used to say that the essential judgment on a person is: Are you growing or withering? Developing or decaying?

During the Days of Judgment, we come to ask for spiritual credit. When someone asks for credit, there’s only one question: Is the venture growing? If the answer is yes, the credit will be granted generously.

From the new book by Rabbi Yitzchak Fanger 'It's Possible'. To purchase, visit Hidabroot Shops or call: 073-222-1250