The Hidden Cost of Low Self-Esteem

Nowadays, much attention is given to the concept of “low self-esteem.” This is a state in which a person fails to focus on their own abilities and strengths and does not give appropriate weight to their potential. At the same time, they clearly recognize the abilities and potential of others (often exaggerating them).

A person with low self-esteem is trapped in the belief that others succeed in life because they have talents, skills, or potential that they themselves lack. As a result, they often avoid taking initiative or action, convinced that their chances of success are slim.

A person may go through life believing that they have poor intellectual or social skills, when in reality their abilities may be excellent. Because they don’t believe in their chances of success, they don’t try to succeed academically or socially- they prefer to avoid the disappointment they assume is inevitable.

Even if a person with low self-esteem does eventually decide to pursue a social or academic goal, they may quickly withdraw when they fail to reach their goal within a short period, overcome by discouragement and disbelief in their own abilities.

They may distance themselves from social situations or avoid forming relationships because they don’t believe they have anything meaningful to offer. They feel uncomfortable in a dynamic where they see themselves only as the recipient, or they fear rejection.

Identification

How can a person identify if they truly suffer from low self-esteem, or if they are simply a more introverted person who doesn’t find enjoyment in social interaction?

They should ask themselves if they genuinely feel content and comfortable being alone, or if deep down, they wish they were more socially involved but justify their lack of social interaction with excuses designed to avoid discomfort.

Consequences

A person with low self-esteem may suffer from jealousy, which can become all-consuming. They feel as though everyone around them was born with better chances, and this breeds envy. Such a person may also feel threatened by the success of others, leading them to harbor resentment or even speak ill of others- not because of moral failure, but as a way of coping with their pain and inferiority.

Attempts to overcome this jealousy through ethical or religious instruction (such as studying teachings against gossip or envy) may not be very effective. The real solution lies in treating the root cause which is the low self-esteem itself. Without addressing this, the person will continue to find justifications for their behavior and emotional patterns.

Another significant consequence of low self-esteem is the inability to "let go" of others. For instance, some people struggle to allow their children to become independent or to give their partner space. Often, this stems from low self-worth- they believe that if they’re left alone, no one will be interested in them anymore.

We can see this in the case of a highly respected educator who lectures to thousands and teaches others how to encourage growth and independence. While they apply these principles successfully in the classroom, they may fail to do so at home with their spouse or children. This is a result of their low self-esteem. They fear their children won’t value them if they become too smart or successful, and worry that their spouse won’t respect them if she becomes too independent. As a result, they may unconsciously stifle the growth of those closest to them.

Such a person may truly provide excellent advice to others but struggles to apply it themselves. Their advice may be terrific, but their self-image prevents them from acting on it in their personal life. They may be a skilled parenting coach or someone who is praised for their insights, but despite having the all right tools, they are unable to implement them at home.