Growing Stronger After Failure: How to Turn Setbacks into Success

Often, when we try to muster self-discipline but fail, we tend to give up and decide that we simply can't succeed. This is a mistake. Self-discipline is like a developing muscle and something we can attain only through determination and persistence.

Even if we fail once, it doesn't guarantee that we will fail the next time. If we didn’t succeed in the morning, we must keep trying in the afternoon. If we didn’t succeed today, we must keep trying tomorrow.

It is sometimes precisely in moments of failure that we can grow the most. Our brain’s natural tendency is to give up and become discouraged, but if in those very moments, we remain determined to succeed and continue to exercise self-discipline with a firm commitment to keep going, we’ll begin to rewire our brain to think differently.

Indeed, the Talmud in Yevamot (16a) tells us that toward the end of his life, Rabbi Dosa ben Harkinas was visited by three of Israel’s greatest sages: Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya, and Rabbi Akiva. When they arrived at his home, Rabbi Dosa seated Rabbi Yehoshua and Rabbi Elazar on golden beds. But when he was told who the third visitor was- Rabbi Akiva- he turned to him and said: “Are you Akiva ben Yosef, whose name is known from one end of the world to the other? Sit, my son! May there be many like you in Israel.”

At first glance, we might wonder why Rabbi Dosa praised Rabbi Akiva so highly.

The answer is simple. About Rabbi Yehoshua, the Sages said, “Happy is the one who gave birth to him” (Pirkei Avot 2:8), since his mother brought him to the study hall even as a baby, so he could absorb words of Torah from the earliest age. From early childhood he received the best tools to grow in Torah and succeed.

Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya was a tenth-generation descendant of Ezra the Scribe- he came from a distinguished lineage, which certainly helped him succeed. Therefore, while both Rabbi Yehoshua and Rabbi Elazar ben Azarya are towering figures, they don't serve as relatable role models for every Jew because someone would say, “I can’t reach their level; I wasn’t given the same starting point.”

Rabbi Akiva, however, is an inspiration for every Jew: he only began learning Torah at the age of forty, and even then, his path was far from smooth. He succeeded only due to his persistence and determination, which he learned from water droplets falling on a stone. He saw how, drop by drop, the water wore away the rock, teaching him that with relentless effort and unwavering consistency, even water can defeat stone. How much more so, then, can the words of Torah penetrate a heart of flesh.

Rabbi Akiva became who he was simply as a result of his determination and perseverance and for this reason he serves as a role model for every Jew, no matter their background or abilities. Anyone can succeed through steady pursuit of their goals and unwavering self-discipline.

We must always remember that success depends mainly on one thing: unceasing effort. There will absolutely be failures along the way because this is an integral part of the journey toward success. Failure is unpleasant, but it is a mistake to look for a path without any failures at all, because such a path leads to a life that is dull and meaningless.

We must not treat failure as a dramatic catastrophe as doing so will make us fear it, avoid it at all costs and ultimately block our own road to success.

A person’s self-esteem will grow as they learn to overcome failure, rise up again and again, and continue persistently toward their goals. This is a gradual and ongoing process. Those who don't give up and don’t stop, but keep moving forward with determination, will eventually get there.

We must stop measuring ourselves in rigid black-and-white terms of success and failure. Life is a process, and as such, today’s success should be evaluated relative to yesterday’s. If today we did better than we did yesterday, that is a success, even if it doesn’t yet meet our highest standards. Progress may feel slow, but it is the fastest and most reliable path forward. Any other supposed “shortcut” is nothing but an illusion.

After every failure, we must reflect, learn from our experience, and adapt. Once we’ve failed, we’re already wiser than we were before- we've gained experience, and now we can try again, this time with new insight guiding our way.

Most experts agree that through training and habit, a person can achieve more than those with natural talent who do not put in the same effort. We were raised to believe that most of our abilities are determined at birth, but in truth most skills can be acquired through action and determination. Courage, perseverance, and discipline are better predictors of success than even a person’s IQ.

We must learn from failure, pursue our goals step by step, with clarity and wisdom, and in doing so, we increase our chances of success. If we stay the course, sooner or later, we will reach our destination.