Parashat Terumah – How to Deal with Worries and Uncertainty

In this week's Torah portion, Terumah, G-d instructs in precise detail how to construct the Mishkan (Tabernacle). He specifies the smallest details including which material each vessel should be made of, what kind of coating it should have, the exact place it should be positioned, and so on.

In contrast, the details are not always so precise in our daily lives. We are often unsure if we've done something correctly, we worry that we may have forgotten to do something important (like turning off the stove) or we fear what might happen in the future (like whether we will succeed). These worries can sometimes give us no rest, and we may find ourselves preoccupied with such thoughts for hours each day.

There is a well-known saying: “There is no joy like the resolution of doubt.” In honor of the month of Adar (a month associated with joy), we will learn practical tools to deal with worries and doubts, so that they don't take control of our lives. The following methods are based on the book Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan S. Abramowitz (translated into Hebrew by Pua A. and Wilson R., 2019, titled "די לאובססיה" – Enough with the Obsession).

Intrusive Thoughts

Dwelling on intrusive thoughts, analyzing them to understand their meaning, or trying to resist or fight them in order to get rid of them quickly, are all different forms of engagement with the thoughts. Interaction with such thoughts gives them more power, thereby reinforcing the problem instead of solving it.

Instead of trying to avoid these thoughts, we must accept their presence (as discussed in depth in Lesson 4: Challenges – Tools to Deal with OCD). Below are two practical methods to cope with intrusive thoughts:

Key 1: Postponing Worrying Thoughts

Accepting intrusive thoughts doesn't mean ignoring them entirely. It means postponing them- delaying them to a specific time in the near future. For example: “In half an hour, I will worry about this issue for 10 minutes.” This delay gives you back control. Instead of the thoughts occupying your mind all day, you decide when and for how long to worry.

By postponing the worry, you break the "vicious cycle" (explained in Lesson 4: Challenges – Tools to Deal with OCD).

Gradual Postponement

If a thought has been bothering you for a long time, it will likely be difficult to set it aside for a full hour. Postponing it for just 5 minutes however, might feel doable. Set a timer for 5 minutes and resume what you were doing. After the timer goes off, ask yourself if you can delay it another 5 minutes. If the second delay is too hard, allow yourself a fixed time (e.g., 5 minutes) to worry about it.

During the postponement, engage in an activity that requires your full attention- return to work, make a phone call, or go for a brisk walk. Do not sit and wait for the time to pass.

At the next opportunity, try postponing the thought by 10 minutes, and gradually increase the interval (15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour). Returning to the thought after a long delay generally reduces its intensity and makes it easier to let go of.

Key 2: Changing Your Response to Intrusive Thoughts

Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts, worries, and fears from time to time. Frightening images may appear in our minds. These are a normal part of human thought and have no special meaning. Most people don't give them importance, but let them pass, and move on.

Responding to a thought by analyzing it deeply- such as asking why it presented, what it means, or how to stop it- fuels it with unnecessary importance. If you treat the thought as a transient event, you can move on from it more easily.

To do this, follow these steps:

1. Acknowledge the thought: When an intrusive thought arises, pause and accept it. Say to yourself, “Here it is again, the intrusive thought about...”

2. Notice your emotional response: Are you feeling anxious, afraid, or ashamed?

3. Normalize the experience: Say to yourself, “It’s normal and okay to feel momentary worry.”

4. Reframe the thought: Instead of thinking, “My worries are real,” say, “My worries are exaggerated and irrational.” Do not analyze the thought.

5. Alter your reaction to the thought: Sing the thought to the tune of “Happy Birthday,” give it a funny name, turn it into a limerick, draw it and add a mustache and sunglasses, or imagine a happy ending to it.

Another method is writing the thought down. Each time the intrusive thought arises, write down all the details of the thought as precisely as possible. Describe the images and urges that come up in a few sentences. If the worry continues, keep writing. You may notice that the words start repeating themselves- this repetition is a hallmark of obsessive thoughts. Writing helps you recognize this and see how irrational the thought is.

Putting the thought into words, along with recognizing how illogical it is, can help you stop the intrusive thought pattern.

Shira Polon, M.A., specializes in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy(CBT) .