Adar: Finding Joy in Limitation

G-d tells the Israelites to build Him a Mishkan (Tabernacle) and a Temple, and within them, a small chamber where He will dwell: "Make for Me one small room so I may dwell in it."

It is interesting that G-d who is infinite- beyond all boundaries and physical space- asks to limit Himself to a small, contained location.

The Chiddushei HaRim (a Hasidic commentary) explains: Where will I dwell? In a place where there is 'Adar' (joy). Hashem resides where there is joy, and joy is often found in a crowded home, where people make space for one another by limiting themselves. (Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi, Invitation to Joy, pp. 117–119)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teaches that limitation does not restrict us. According to this approach, opposites do not necessarily contradict each other- they can coexist. Just as G-d is infinite yet chooses to dwell in a single place, we too can accept ourselves as we are, while also striving to grow and improve. We learn to look at our own limitations- our less flattering parts- and see the goodness and joy within them.

Choosing Joy Within Limitation

In the Garden of Eden, the serpent tries to persuade Adam and Eve to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. He tells them that once they eat from it, they will be like G-d: "For G-d knows that on the day you eat from it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like G-d, knowing good and evil." (Genesis 3:5)

The serpent urges them to break all limits, to become like G-d, without boundaries. However, true divinity is expressed through limitation. The name Elohim symbolizes G-d's attribute of din (judgment), associated with the Kabbalistic sefirah of gevurah, which refers to boundaries and constriction.

What is DBT?

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of behavioral therapy that evolved from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The term "dialectic" refers to the ability to hold and accept opposites. For example:

• I can be angry with my child and still love them deeply.

• I can want independence while also wanting support.

• I can accept my flaws while still striving to grow.

• I can feel sadness and joy at the same time.

• I can want emotional control and also allow myself to express strong feelings.

These seeming contradictions can actually coexist within us.

The goal of DBT is to find a balanced path within the tensions of our internal and external worlds. This helps us develop the capacity to accept the contradictions we experience and fosters flexible thinking. Understanding that we can be both/and- rather than either/or, allows us to find freedom and empowers us to find joy even amid struggle and limitation.

DBT is especially effective for individuals who face challenges with emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships, and has proven to be effective in reducing suicidal thoughts and behaviors. One of its central tools is mindfulness.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a core skill in DBT. It means being fully present in the current moment, or in simpler terms, living with open eyes. In a world overflowing with stimuli, people are often distracted and disconnected from what’s happening right now. They act on autopilot and miss the world around them.

The goal of mindfulness is to act with awareness, focus, and acceptance of what is happening. It involves observing the moment without judgment or trying to change reality. Instead, we accept it as it is, look closely at it, and experience life in full.

How do we practice mindfulness?
Start by focusing on just one thing. For example, take a piece of fruit. Direct your full attention to it. Observe and describe it in words- without judgment (not “delicious” or “gross”), but objectively:

• What color is it?

• How does it smell?

• What is its texture (smooth, rough, soft, firm)?

• Now taste it. What does it feel like in your mouth?

• Chew it 15 times before swallowing.

• Do you notice anything new about the fruit?

• Are there any surprises in the experience?

After practicing mindfulness with food, you can apply the same method to everyday situations. Instead of saying, “This house is messy,” describe what you see:

• “There are 12 objects on the floor.”

• “There’s dust in this corner.”

Descriptive observation creates distance from the experience, offers a broader perspective, and allows us to see reality through a lens that fosters choice. This is the reality. How do I choose to respond to it?

With awareness and intentional choice, we regain a sense of control over our experiences, which ultimately leads to joy.

Shira Polon, M.A., specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy(CBT)