Parashat Mishpatim: Gratitude as a Tool for Strengthening Interpersonal Relationships

The word "mishpat" (משפט) in Hebrew can mean either a sentence- a string of words- or a legal verdict by a court. This double meaning teaches us something profound: our words have the power to shape destinies- both our own and those of others. We’re all familiar with the power of kind words and, unfortunately, the harm that can result from gossip or hurtful language.

One of the main goals in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is to become aware of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. With that in mind, let’s explore the phrase "Modeh Ani" (“I thank”) as a model for how to express gratitude with greater awareness. The foundation of healthy relationships often lies in the ability to say thank you, not as empty words, but with sincerity and warmth.

Modeh Ani – A Lesson in Gratitude

In Judaism, there is great emphasis on recognizing and affirming the good in life. The famous commandment "Love your neighbor as yourself" is rooted in our ability to see the good in others, which fills our lives with love. For example, in the Morning Blessings (Birkot HaShachar), we thank G-d for the many daily gifts we receive. The very first words we are meant to say each morning- even before washing our hands- are words of thanks: “Modeh Ani lefanecha, Melech chai v’kayam, shehechezarta bi nishmati b’chemla, raba emunatecha.” ("I gratefully thank You, living and eternal King, for returning my soul to me with compassion- great is Your faithfulness.")

This short sentence can teach us an entire framework for expressing gratitude:

• Start with "thank you" – “Modeh.”

• Say who you are thanking – “Before You, living and eternal King.”

• Say what you’re thankful for – “For returning my soul to me.”

• Describe how it was done – “With compassion.”

• Add appreciation of the intention – “Great is Your faithfulness,” meaning G-d believes in me enough to give me another day to fulfill my purpose.

How to Thank Another Person

From this structure, we learn how to thank a spouse, friend, or family member, with more depth and meaning.

Simply saying “Thank you” is great, but let’s go one step further:

1. Start with “thank you.”

2. Address the person by name and offer a word of appreciation.
   (Just like “King, living and eternal.”)

   • For example: “Thank you, Sarah.”

3. Specify what you’re thanking them for.

   • “For helping me with dinner yesterday when I was so tired. That meant a lot to me.”

4. End by acknowledging their effort and intention.

   • “I see how much thought and care you put into helping me. I don’t take it for granted.”

When we are mindful and specific about what we’re grateful for, and include words of appreciation and sincerity, it deepens the positive impact. Try noticing the difference in how it feels when you simply say “thank you” versus when you express thoughtful, heartfelt gratitude.

Shira Polon, M.A., specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) .