Parshat Yitro and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Joy Through Inner Dialogue

Parshat Yitro describes the momentous event of the giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe compares this revelation to a wedding ceremony, where G-d, so to speak, enters a union with the people of Israel. He explains that the essence of joy lies in the connection of opposites- communication and dialogue between different or opposing elements leads to joy.

Following this idea, we will explore tools from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that promote internal communication. We will learn to identify various “cognitive distortions” and how to recognize these faulty patterns of thinking. Once we can identify our thoughts, we can observe our mental and behavioral patterns. We will then explore a tool referred to as “thought challenging,” which allows us to develop alternative thoughts that help us view our reality in a new light, replace limiting beliefs and reach a place of joy.

What Is the Essence of Joy?

In his book Alei Shur, Rabbi Wolbe writes: “Heaven and Earth, man and woman, soul and body-  all are opposites. Sometimes they influence each other for the good, sometimes they unite completely. Wherever opposites unite, there is joy. And this is the essence of joy: wherever it is found, there is connection or union.”

Creation itself is formed from opposites: male and female, giver and receiver. Heaven is the masculine giver, while earth is the feminine receiver. Rain is the unification of heaven and earth and therefore brings joy to the world. We are told that “a man who has no wife is without joy,” for he lacks someone with whom to unite.

Joy in fulfilling a mitzvah comes from connecting with the Creator. At Sinai, described in the Song of Songs as “the day of His wedding”, G-d united with Israel through the giving of the Torah. In the Temple service, the entire nation united with G-d. We find that wherever there is connection and union between Heaven and Earth, mitzvot and Torah, the nation and G-d, there is joy.

A Brief Introduction to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Rabbi Wolbe explains that joy comes from connection, when there is a giver and a receiver. When a person is connected to themselves or to others, there is more joy, both personally and communally. As the saying goes: “The end result begins with a thought.”

CBT integrates two domains: cognitive (thoughts) and behavioral (actions). One of its goals is to increase awareness of our thoughts and actions which empowers us with the ability to choose how we want to act. Mindful actions restore our sense of control and agency. To build this awareness, we use a CBT tool known as the “thought diary.”

The Thought Diary & Identifying Cognitive Distortions

A thought diary is a table where we track our thoughts and behaviors. By doing this we can detect cognitive distortions which are inaccurate or limiting thoughts. These are some common types:

• Overgeneralization: “I never finish anything,” “Nobody likes me,” “I always fail.”

• Black-and-white thinking: Seeing things in extremes, such as “Either my whole class loves me or hates me,” with no gray areas.

• Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst to happen, such as “If I miss the bus, I’ll be stuck at school forever,” or “If I fail one test, I’ll never get a diploma.”

Thought Challenging & Alternative Thinking

After documenting our thoughts in the thought diary, we can examine if any are distorted. If they are, we can use thought challenging to replace them with alternative thoughts- ones that are more realistic or adaptive and help us see things from a different perspective.

To challenge a thought, ask questions that challenge the assumptions at their core. For example, if a father thinks, “I’m a terrible dad. I never do anything right,” we might ask:

• Are there times when I’m a good father?

• Does a single action define me as a good or bad parent?

• What would help me shift my perspective?

After challenging the thought, we can formulate an alternative thought, such as:

• “I do my best to be a good father. Sometimes I struggle, but I recognize and appreciate my efforts.”

• “Even if today didn’t go well, that doesn’t mean that I’m a failure.”

• “What can I learn from this? What can I do differently next time?”

Rabbi Wolbe teaches that joy comes from connection and union. When we are aware of our thoughts, we can identify, observe, and shift them. Using a thought diary, we can track and evaluate our patterns, identify distortions, challenge them, and formulate alternative thoughts that can help us see the world in a new light.

This self-awareness and broader perspective can help us develop more flexible thinking, stronger internal dialogue, and deeper, lasting joy that radiates outward.

Shira Folon, M.A., specialist in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT).