When Bitterness Blooms: Discovering Growth Within Life’s Struggles

In parshat Beshalach, we learn that bitterness itself can be transformed into sweetness. In honor of Tu BiShvat, the New Year for Trees, we can take inspiration from the idea that sweetness can be found within the bitterness itself. We’ll also introduce a practical tool from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that can help reshape the way we think and open us to a new perspective.

Marah: The Solution to Bitterness Lies Within the Bitterness Itself

In parshat Beshalach, right after the dramatic splitting of the Red Sea, we read the story of Marah: “Moses led Israel away from the Sea of Reeds. They went out into the desert of Shur. They traveled for three days without finding water. They came to Marah, but could not drink the water there because it was bitter; that is why it was called Marah. The people grumbled at Moses, saying, ‘What shall we drink?’ Moses cried out to G-d, and G-d showed him a tree; he threw it into the water, and the water became sweet…” (Exodus 15:22–25)

After leaving Egypt- where their lives had been embittered- the Israelites assumed the bitterness was behind them. But then they encountered bitter waters. The Baal Shem Tov, in his Maamar HaMar’ot, teaches that what we see outside is a reflection of what’s inside. Two people can experience the same event and perceive it entirely differently- one may see divine providence and focus on the positive, while the other sinks into despair. The bitter water, then, reflects the bitterness still present within the people.

G-d does not instruct Moses to sweeten the waters with something pleasant, nor to strike them with his staff as he did in Egypt. Instead, He tells Moses to throw in a bitter tree. According to the Sages, this tree itself was bitter- implying that the cure for bitterness lies within the bitterness itself.

This divine act reflects a principle found in the verse: "From your wounds I will heal you" (Jeremiah 30:17)- the pain itself becomes part of the healing. Similarly, the tree used to sweeten the waters symbolizes the therapeutic approach of giving space to bitterness, rather than ignoring or dismissing it. Often, the core of bitterness is loneliness and the feeling of being unseen. In therapy, simply being seen and heard can begin to sweeten that experience.

After the bitter waters, the Israelites reach Elim, a place of refreshing springs and sweet dates: “They came to Elim, where there were twelve springs of water and seventy date palms…” (Exodus 15:27) The Hebrew word for “date” (tamar) can be read as tam-mar- the bitterness has ended- hinting at the sweet outcome of a process that began in bitterness.

CBT in a Nutshell

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is based on the idea that thoughts influence behavior, and vice versa. If we change our thoughts, our actions change, and if we change how we act, our thoughts follow.

CBT teaches that we do not control the events or thoughts that arise, but we can learn to become aware of our thinking patterns and choose how we respond. Over time, with a therapist’s guidance and the patient’s willingness, one learns to reframe how they see challenges and modify both thought and behavior gradually, at their own pace.

For example, let’s compare two thoughts about the same event:

• Thought A: “Someone stole my couch. People are awful.” → Result: sadness, frustration, helplessness, low mood

• Thought B: “Maybe a homeless person took it and now has something soft to sleep on. I’ve unknowingly fulfilled a mitzvah of giving.” → Result: joy, purpose, positivity

The event didn’t change, but the thought about it did.

The Tree as a Tool: Dealing with Bitter and Limiting Thoughts Using CBT

To address bitter thoughts that block personal growth, begin by identifying one thought that holds you back, such as“What’s the point in trying? I’ll never succeed anyway.”

Then use this guided imagery: Imagine a large, strong tree with a wide trunk, full of lush green leaves and vibrant fruits. Colorful birds of all kinds perch on its branches. Their chirping is loud, sometimes deafening. The birds may fly away for a while, but they always return. At night, they rest. Then morning comes, and the chirping returns, often louder than before. But sometimes, their song sounds beautiful.

Imagine that you are the tree, and the birds are your thoughts.

Sometimes thoughts are loud, annoying, persistent. They flutter in and out. But ask yourself, can the birds stop the tree from growing? Can they keep it from bearing fruit? Of course not.

Now revisit your original thought. Is it really capable of preventing you from taking action? From growing? From moving forward in life? Let it be a thought- just like birdsong- but don’t let it take away your power to grow and thrive.

When we learn to view our thoughts with more flexibility and compassion, rather than letting them limit us, we can see them as birds- sometimes noisy, sometimes sweet, but never powerful enough to halt our growth.

We may not be able to control our thoughts or the events in life, but we can choose what we focus on, and how we respond.

Will you let your thoughts and circumstances control you? Or will you choose to see things differently- that within the bitterness lies the beginning of sweetness, and that you can always choose to act and change your reality.

Wishing you growth, healing, and success!

Shira Polon, M.A. is a specialist in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).