From the Shadows to the Spotlight

If I could describe myself back in my childhood, I would call the paralysis I felt around my classmates, living in the shadows. I wanted not to be seen, not to have eyes fixed on me. I just wanted silence all around. Oh… no, actually… that’s not entirely true. I did want attention, applause, and recognition, but I was absolutely terrified of being seen.

Today, when women come to me and say they want to build their self-confidence- sometimes even saying, “I want to be like you”- I can’t help but smile. None of this was innate, but it is possible for everyone!

I want to share with you a powerful mental shift that can help you build your own confidence too.

Imagine a person walking home late at night. It’s dark. There’s a small streetlamp dimly lighting a silent road. He’s just a few steps from his front door when suddenly, he freezes in fear. He sees something huge, monstrous, dark, and blurry looming over the final building before his house. His heart starts racing. He’s overcome with a deep, unexplained fear. He’s looking at his own shadow.

It’s scary to see a shadow, yet somehow, many of us willingly choose to be one. We hide. We agree to do only what’s expected of us in order not to stand out. We shrink our presence, ignore our own opinions, silence our desires and our voice. We walk on tiptoes, just to avoid making noise, to avoid “being a problem".

For example, your husband hurts your feelings, but instead of expressing how deeply you’ve been wounded, you automatically slip into “shadow mode” and mumble, “It’s fine". Or you’re in a staff meeting at work, and you have something important to say, but you stay silent. You don’t want to stand out, and you therefore keep your thoughts hidden, choosing to remain in the shadows.

Living in the shadows is a form of survival. And yes, the temptation to stay there is significant. It feels comfortable and familiar. But the risk is that you’ll never fully discover who you were meant to be.

So, my dear, be true to yourself. Deepen your connection to the beautiful colors within you- your strength, your unique qualities, your inner beauty that no one can take away, and let that ignite a powerful desire to connect with your true self more and more.

Eventually, without having to force it, and without fighting it, you’ll simply lay your “shadow” aside. Trust me — it will leave.

And you? You’ll spread your wings and fly toward the freedom of being fully, wonderfully you.

Avital Ochayon is an art psychotherapist, M.A, founder of the "Stronger Than Life" approach and an expert in strengthening inner calm and healing in relationships -mitchaberet@gmail.com