How to Choose Your Thoughts So That They Don't Choose You

Should we stop thinking altogether? Of course not. Thinking is important—we need to weigh options and make decisions in life. But the question is: how much energy are we spending on our thoughts, and how often are we stuck in repetitive, intrusive thinking?

One way to know if a thought is relevant in the moment is to ask yourself: Did I consciously choose to think about this? Or did the thought just pop into my head and take over? When thoughts “attack” us, they usually show up at the worst times—when we’re tired, distracted, or emotionally vulnerable. And in those moments, they’re rarely productive.

For example: Someone needs to buy a material to patch some holes at home. There are two brands to choose from, and he needs to pick one. But all day long, thoughts about “Brand A vs. Brand B” keep sneaking into his mind—even during lunch. Is thinking about it at that moment really helpful? Is overthinking things that don’t even matter right now useful—or is it pulling him away from what really matters?

That’s where mental discipline comes in. Just like we talk about guarding our eyes, we also need to guard our thoughts. That means recognizing when something just isn’t relevant to us—at all, or at least not right now. If a thought doesn’t relate to what’s happening in the moment, we must train ourselves not to dwell on it.

The more we engage with such thoughts, the more space we give them in our minds. If we quickly realize “this isn’t important right now,” we can choose to shift our focus elsewhere.

Rabbi Natan writes something powerful in one of his letters: “I’m writing this to you so you might begin to let go of constantly thinking about business matters. Of course, we must be careful not to cheat others or get into debt, or take on more than we can handle. Thank G-d, you already do that. But excessive thinking—especially over a deal of 30 or 40 rubles—isn’t helpful. Even if it’s a big matter, it doesn’t warrant that level of mental strain.”

In other words: Don’t overthink. If there’s a real decision to make, of course it's necessary to think it through. But constant mental spinning doesn’t help—it only weighs you down and distracts you from what truly matters.

Overthinking at the wrong times- when you’re not in a position to take action- is just mental “water-treading.” You’re stuck in a loop, and going nowhere. Even if the issue is important, you must ask: Do I really need to be thinking about this right now?Am I actually trying to solve it, or is it just background noise that’s making me anxious without moving anything forward?

Be aware of your thoughts. Choose them—don’t let them choose you.