Beyond Fear: Reclaiming Courage and Rewriting the Narrative: The Second Article in the Series

Most of the fears we face in life are merely imagined scenarios stored in our minds. At times, these fears have some footing in reality, but not much more than that. They generally don't stem from a rational analysis of the situation but rather from past experiences or beliefs that were ingrained in our thinking by others.

As a result, our interpretation of potential risks is often based on assumptions that are not necessarily accurate. For example, a person may fear forming new relationships with unfamiliar people because they assume they will make a bad impression, which would lead humiliation.

In truth, there's no factual basis for such an assumption, no reason to believe they will fail, and even if they do, it’s likely that the people involved won’t give it more than a passing thought, let alone shame them. However, when we are trapped by our false beliefs, we don't reexamine these assumptions, but rely solely on prejudices rooted in past experiences.

It is therefore important to remind ourselves that a person can grow far beyond their past. To break free from the grip of the past and move forward, the first step is awareness that we are living in the present based on the past, not according to our true potential. To break this cycle, we must simply make a conscious choice.

The fears that limit adults’ functioning and willingness to try new things are mostly based on past failures or misinformation collected over the years. Every disappointment and every unmet goal, influences our perception of future opportunities, making them seem just as hopeless as those before.

When observing children on the other hand, we find that they are generally braver than adults. This doesn't refer to the impulsiveness typical of young children, but children are more willing to take relative risks and try new things that adults often hesitate to explore. The reason for this is that children approach new experiences with a clean slate. They are not burdened by past disappointments and are therefore more objective in how they assess new opportunities. This objective outlook allows them to overcome the natural fear of trying something new and helps them successfully break through fear barriers.

Moderation is Essential

Caution must be taken to avoid reckless or impulsive actions. When a person acts irresponsibly, without proper judgment, and ignores the real risks involved, they are inviting negative experiences that can shake their self-confidence.

Courage is absolutely necessary in our emotional toolkit, but it must be used responsibly. Generally speaking, extreme changes are usually the result of impulsiveness and rarely lead to lasting success. A person who tries to make a dramatic 180-degree change in life is likely to fail. This failure will increase their fear and resistance when facing the future.

When a person takes gradual steps, they are likely succeed in making meaningful changes. With each small success, they build trust in themselves, gather positive experiences, and gain more courage for future challenges. This steady progress, repeated over time, ultimately enables them to achieve their goals.

One might argue, didn’t Maimonides (Rambam), the master of human behavior, write in Hilchot De’ot (Chapter 2, Halacha 2) that a person who seeks to correct a bad trait should go to the opposite extreme before returning to the balanced middle path?

Indeed, but if we read closely we find that the Rambam does not say one should make that extreme shift suddenly or in a short time. Even if one needs to go to an extreme to uproot a negative trait, this should be done slowly and gradually. Only then can the process have a real chance of success and lead to meaningful transformation of one’s character.