Commitment to Values: The Key to Inner Strength

Viktor Frankl, a neurologist and psychiatrist who lived during the Holocaust, once recounted a story from his time in Auschwitz.

He planned to escape from the camp with a friend. The night before, he went around to say goodbye to the patients he was treating. One of them, who was gravely ill, looked him in the eyes and said, “So you're leaving us too!”

That single sentence struck him deeply. Immediately, Frankl approached the friend he had planned to escape with and told him, “I’m staying here, with my patients.”

Let’s pause for a moment. This was a death camp. Frankl gave up his chance to escape in order to remain true to his value of saving lives. He describes the profound peace he felt afterward. He paid a heavy price for that choice, but it is a powerful example of the strength that comes from living in alignment with one’s inner values.

The more a person lives in sync with their core values, the less impact negative emotions have over them. Because their attention and emotions are directed toward their life mission and values, the heart becomes a container filled with positive emotions.

Even if negative emotions are poured into this vessel, there’s little room for them. And even if they do enter, they’re quickly flushed out because the person keeps replenishing the container with more positive emotions of fulfillment, progress, meaning, and hope.

Anyone who desires to live a life of resilience, growth and moving forward despite difficult emotions or circumstances- no matter how painful- will succeed by committing to their values.

Of course, this is not always easy. Life sometimes brings serious challenges, painful events, difficult circumstances, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and more. If a person responds well to their difficulties, and combines that with a value-based life, every hardship can become a challenge to overcome.

When someone experiences emotional or cognitive distress, such as obsessive thoughts or anxiety, the instinct is to resist the feeling, suppress it, or run away from it.

Sometimes that works, if the emotion is mild, but for deep or recurring experiences that hinder progress in life, that strategy fails and may even backfire.

A Powerful Metaphor

Imagine you have the most advanced lie detector in the world that detects even the tiniest emotional shift. You attach the electrodes to someone and warn them: “Be careful! This device detects every emotional fluctuation. If your emotions shift even slightly, you’ll feel pain from an electric shock!” Then you pull out a gun, point it at their head, and say: “To motivate you further, know that if your emotions change a little, I’ll fire.”

What would happen? Their emotions will fluctuate more than ever before.

This is because, trying to control or suppress a troubling emotion is doomed to fail, and usually makes it worse.

Accepting the Reality of Emotion

The wiser path is to learn how to accept the presence of negative emotions. Look around you. The people who are strong and successful are often those who know how to stay calm in the face of difficult emotions. They don’t fear discomfort, anxiety, or pain.
They are focused on progress, and simply don’t have time to dwell on negativity. They accept- even if they don’t enjoy- the reality of difficulty in their lives.

There’s a powerful quote from the 12-step method for addiction recovery: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."