Understanding Narcissist Types- When Control Disguises as Care: The Third Article in the Series

Following previous articles discussing the different types of narcissists, it’s important to note that these classifications are basic frameworks. A person may exhibit traits from more than one category, but typically, one type tends to dominate.

Why categorize at all? Each narcissistic type requires a slightly different approach. But regardless, boundaries are always essential. and often the most challenging for victims to establish.

In relationships with narcissistic individuals, especially when the narcissist is a parent. the idea of “honoring your parents” becomes particularly complex. When dealing with toxic parents, boundaries are not only necessary, but critical. Creating a healthy balance is both a personal and often spiritual question that should be discussed with a rabbi or spiritual advisor. Keep in mind that in order for them to give sound guidance, they must know the full context.

The Smothering Narcissist

This type of narcissistic parent is over-involved and controlling under the guise of love and care. They will do everything for their child- cook dinner, wash laundry, speak to teachers, complete homework, and excuse the child from any responsibility.

At first glance, these may seem like normal parental duties. But in this case, the involvement becomes excessive, to the point where the child is never expected to make an effort. The moment the parent sees their child struggle, they step in and take over.

Occasional help or acts of kindness are part of healthy parenting. But doing everything for them and denying them even the chance to lift a plate, sends the message of “We don’t believe you’re capable, so don’t bother trying". 

These children often remain financially dependent on their parents even after marriage and struggle to be proactive, take initiative, or handle life’s demands independently. They may sleep late, avoid basic household tasks, and prefer easy, quick, or “fun” options- avoiding hard work or sustained effort. We’re seeing a growing crisis among young couples, many of whom were “pitied” into weakness by overbearing parents.

Ironically, what appears as compassion is a form of harm- a hidden message of distrust in the child’s abilities, which leads to emotional paralysis and helplessness. It’s another form of control and dominance disguised as care. This is what we call a “suffocating love”- a bear hug that becomes a chokehold.

The Intellectual Narcissist

This narcissist’s main weapon is the mind. They project superiority through intelligence, believing they’re smarter, sharper, and more insightful than anyone else. While they may indeed be highly intelligent, the issue is their absolute belief that no one matches their intellect.

Every conversation turns into a debate, where the other person is made to feel ignorant and inferior. Sometimes it’s blunt; other times it’s veiled in polite condescension- cleverly worded put-downs delivered with a smile.

After spending time with this type, you may feel emotionally drained, small, and as if you “don’t know anything about life.” Meanwhile, they come off as brilliant and flawless.

If you encounter this type, don’t take the bait. Arguing won’t help because they’ve perfected this form of dominance. This is their survival skill, and they will always come out on top. Your best defense is distance- walk away if you can.

The Spiritual Narcissist

Similar in some ways to the “noble soul” described in a previous article, this type uses spirituality as a tool for control. Their beliefs and practices are presented as the only valid path. Everyone else’s views? Wrong, misguided, or invalid.

They may appear patient and open-minded, but just beneath the surface is a quiet condescension. Their goal isn’t genuine dialogue, but to convert or correct you. You leave such interactions feeling confused, inferior, and spiritually diminished.

A truly spiritual person doesn’t need to agree with you- but they will make space for your perspective. They won’t belittle you or make you feel as if your entire worldview is foolish.

Awareness Is Power

As I always emphasize, this information is to create awareness, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone who exhibits these narcissistic patterns. The goal is to stop the cycle of emotional abuse.

In order to understand the specifics of your situation, consult a qualified mental health professional who specializes in personality disorders. Don’t make life-altering decisions without proper guidance.

​Dr. Ada Michal Weinstock is a certified psychodrama therapist specializing in narcissism and also works with victims of narcissists.