The Narcissist and His Environment: Emotional Manipulation- Part Three

Today we’ll discuss several emotional and communication manipulations commonly used bythose with narcissistic tendencies. As mentioned in previous articles, it’s all a matter of degree, frequency, and intensity.

There are various types of individuals with narcissistic traits (more on this in future articles), and each may lean more or less toward certain manipulation styles.

Many narcissistic individuals are not fully aware of their behavior, but this does not excuse their actions. Often, others around them have tried to speak up, express how they’ve been hurt, or ask them to take notice. The narcissistic person repeatedly deflects blame onto others.

Instigating Conflict, Dividing, and Controlling

In this manipulation, the narcissist uses you like a pawn on their chessboard. They have a vested interest in keeping you disconnected from others. With their sharp instincts, they need you under their control- whether you're an employee, family member, or friend. This division is often achieved through gossip, lies, and making you feel like you're the "special one" being confided in.

They’ll say things like: "Listen, I’m only telling you this because you’re the only one who really gets it. Did you see what she did...?" They create division and dependency on them, especially if they perceive you as lower or weaker, and they manipulate through guilt and comparison: "Look how she takes care of her mother so well... why can’t you be like her?" "See how your sister/sister-in-law/colleague does things better? Maybe you can learn from her..."

They want you to compete for their attention, but their goal is focused on how they appear and what they gain. Once you're no longer useful to their goals, they’ll discard you, leaving you emotionally damaged and possibly in need of recovery.

Ambiguity

People with narcissistic tendencies often avoid giving clear answers or sharing details about their lives. Information remains vague, creating confusion and keeping you dependent on them for clarity and approval. They may know everything about you, but will not reciprocate transparency.

This shows up even in intimate relationships, such as keeping financial matters ambiguous or hiding separate bank accounts. One day you might find a new car in the driveway, a sudden school change for your child, or business decisions made without any prior discussion.

The avoidance of sharing isn’t only secrecy, but reveals a deep need for control and an inability to work in partnership. They don’t consult, they don’t collaborate, and they absolutely cannot tolerate feedback. They might surprise you with something grand, such as a vacation or an expensive set of books,  but it will always be what they want, not what you would have chosen. 

Isolation

Narcissistic individuals often seek to isolate others as this helps them maintain control. Some will do this directly, others slowly and subtly, so that you hardly notice until you're distanced from your family or friends.

They may turn you against relatives by pointing out a kernel of truth and blowing it out of proportion: "See how your sister isn’t really there for you? Why bother? She just takes your time..." This could stem from a trivial sibling disagreement that they then use in order to isolate you.

If you are dealing with any of these behaviors, it's extremely important to confide in someone you trust. Don’t keep it inside. Share. Speak up.

Dr. Ada Michal Weinstein is a licensed psychodrama therapist specializing in narcissism and works with victims of narcissists.