The Hidden Cost of Denial: When Stress Turns into Emotional Burnout

Reality comprises of both positive and negative aspects. For example, cars and the advancement of motorized technology which was virtually nonexistent a hundred years ago, clearly have positive elements: they provide accessibility, expand our ability to connect with others and work, and allow us to bridge long distances in relatively short amounts of time.

However, there are also negative elements. Road accidents, which claim hundreds of lives annually, wouldn’t occur without this technological advancement.

If a person were constantly focused on the negative sides of reality, they wouldn’t be able to function. If every time someone got into a car, they thought about the potential dangers of an accident- the suffering, possible disability, or even death- and pictured various tragic scenarios, they would likely avoid traveling by car. Some may even avoid crossing the street.

This is where a psychological defense mechanism kicks in, helping us repress the negative aspects of reality and focus only on the positive ones. At times, this is unhealthy, but at others, it enables us to function. When we get into a car, we are aware, on some level, that there’s a risk of an accident, but we don’t bring that awareness to the forefront of our minds. This denial, in a sense, allows us to function normally.

In the same way, there is another kind of defense mechanism known as projection. When a person has a certain negative trait they find difficult to accept, they "project" that trait onto someone else. Instead of confronting it in themselves, they only notice it in others.

A person who struggles with laziness and cannot accept that about themselves may consistently notice others who are lazy, and harshly criticize that trait. What’s really happening is that their own frustration with their laziness is being projected outward. The flaw in others triggers them because it reflects their own unresolved struggle.

The Painful Awakening

As we've seen, defense mechanisms protect a person from facing difficulties or frustrations- through repression, projection, or a range of other ways.

Let’s follow a person who faces constant daily pressures at their job, beyond their capacity, without proper compensation or appreciation. When this person feels exploited or overwhelmed, they may not be able to face the reality of their situation. The thought that they’re being used or that they may have to endure this pressure for years to come is intolerable. They repress it and tell themselves: “It’s only temporary. Once they recognize my value, things will improve. I’ll be promoted, and the work conditions will get better.”

At this stage, the person has two options:

1. Acknowledge the exploitation and take assertive action- speak to their employer and request fair treatment.

2. Continue the status quo and convince themselves that it’s all part of a longer-term investment.

If the person is afraid of confrontation due to low self-esteem or other reasons, they’ll choose the second option. To cope with the frustration, they’ll use repression and cling to hope that things will change.

Hope is a wonderful thing, but it’s crucial to distinguish between hope and illusion. When hope isn’t grounded in reality, it turns into fantasy. Illusions, by nature, eventually shatter.

If there’s a real chance that things will improve in the near future, it can be wise to wait patiently and make the best of the current situation. If however it's merely wishful thinking, the person may hold on too long, distorting their view of reality.

They may imagine themselves receiving appreciation and a promotion. But as time passes and that doesn't happen, the illusion shatters. and all the repressed frustration comes flooding in at once. That moment can lead to a nervous breakdown.

Facing the Truth Early

To avoid this collapse, a person must act wisely in the early stages and differentiate hope from fantasy. They must ask themselves honestly: “Am I staying silent because I’m strategically planning for the long-term- or am I just afraid to confront my boss?”

If fear is the real reason behind their silence, and they're merely pretending things will improve, it's crucial to stop that snowball before it rolls downhill.

Ideally, they should approach their employer, share how they feel, explain why they believe they’re not being fairly compensated, and attempt to improve their conditions. Even if they can’t- or if this doesn’t lead to change- they must stop fooling themselves and face the truth as it is.

If the person consciously acknowledges they’re being exploited, and still chooses to stay, they may still feel daily frustration, but it will be experienced in small doses and consciously processed.