Are You Living Your Truth?

David arrived in New York for an important business meeting. He went to bed late at the hotel, tossing and turning with thoughts about the meeting. He overslept past his alarm, rushed downstairs, and jumped into a yellow cab at the last minute. David squeezed into the taxi and, glancing anxiously at his watch, shouted to the driver, “Go, go faster!” The Indian driver, unfazed by frantic passengers, nodded and began speeding through the streets. “Faster! I’m really late. I’ll pay you a hundred dollars for every red light you run.” “Yes, sir,” the driver sped up even more.

At some point, as the taxi hurtled down the road, David leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes for a moment, then suddenly opened them in horror and asked, “Wait, did I even tell you where to go?” The calm driver looked at him through the mirror and replied, “No, sir. You only said to drive fast.”

Is it possible that we’re living our lives the same way? Are we only focused on speed, urgency, and doing what others expect of us, without checking where we actually want to go? Sometimes we become so intent on fulfilling the desires of others, that our own get pushed to the side. We may end up not living our lives at all, but someone else’s, or even that of an imaginary onlooker whose judgment we try to appease.

Many people at the peak of external success report an inner sense of something missing- a feeling that they’re living a life they never truly chose. The truth is that outward success doesn’t guarantee happiness, and in some cases, it’s even the opposite: As long as a person is still climbing the mountain, they might believe that reaching the top will fix everything. But once they get there, they may look around and think, “This isn’t what I wanted at all.”

“…Meaning that I live a life that is truly mine, not dependent on anyone else for vitality. For ‘he who depends on others, his life is not a life’- because it's not really his life. But when I don’t rely on others, and I live my own life- then I can praise and pray sincerely to G-d.” (Likutei Moharan, Torah 66)

When I rely on others for my sense of life, I do things just to earn their approval or admiration. I behave a certain way, talk a certain way, and in doing so, I stray from my own truth. The more I prioritize others and neglect my own real needs and desires, the more I lose my truth and my life.

Living “my life” doesn’t require rebelling against what others expect. The defiant person who always does the opposite of what’s expected might be caught in the same trap. Just because someone rebels doesn’t mean they’re free, and often, the opposite is true. The more they act out against expectations, the more they remain tied to them- under a different mask.

The first step in any change is recognizing where we are. When I can acknowledge how much I depend on others, I can grow a desire to live differently. I can then begin to strengthen my will to be authentic and to live my own life. When that desire grows, actions will follow, and my connection to my real vitality will deepen.

Where does my blessing come from? Is it from other people, or from G-d, who sustains and provides everything I need?

“But one who does not depend on others, who needs nothing from them- not for livelihood, not for honor, not for anything- can stand among thousands and pray sincerely to G-d alone, because he depends on no one, only on ‘his hope in the Lord his G-d.’” (ibid.)

It is possible to live a true life that is not conditional or distorted. It may feel like a monumental task, but every small step in that direction can transform the quality of your life. If I can even notice one small area where I’m less concerned with others’ opinions- that is already a gain.

The shift to an authentic life doesn’t happen someday in the future, but begins with daily effort. By noticing how much of my life is shaped by the expectations of others, by cultivating a sincere desire to change, and by taking the small, real steps that flow from that desire.

From Ran Weber's new book, "Living the Day".