The Narcissist and His Environment: Manipulations of a Narcissist, Part Two

Following the previous article, I will describe additional manipulative tactics often found in individuals with narcissistic traits.

Baiting

Baiting is a technique of subtle harassment designed to draw your attention and emotional energy back into the relationship. It typically starts small- a seemingly minor jab such as, “Wow, look at that belly you’ve grown lately,” or “Such a small paycheck you’re bringing in.” It often targets physical appearance a specific ability:  “Dina's husband knows how to hammer nails into the wall…”

If you manage to stay calm and not get pulled into the drama, the baiting escalates to target your loved ones: “I saw your mother lost her keys again. You better tell her she can’t come here like that,” or,
“Your brother’s getting divorced again…what is it now, every other week?”

If you still maintain composure, the baiting may escalate to threats:
“Oh, that’s how you want it? Fine, I’ll be at the lawyer’s tomorrow,” or “Just wait, you’ll see what happens when you wake up tomorrow morning.”

Not every case of baiting escalates this far, but you must recognize when it starts becoming emotionally dangerous for you. Some narcissists will do anything (including legal threads) to get you “back to the negotiating table" so they can regain control.

Hoovering (Emotional Pull-Back)

This is a subtle manipulation technique used to suck your attention and energy back into the relationship. It typically appears when narcissists feel you are becoming less afraid of them or less emotionally invested.

They may try to pull you back with sweet talk, grand promises which are never fulfilled, or by creating emotional drama that triggers your instinct to "save" them.

Once you’ve been pulled back in and they feel that they have regained control, the belittling, blame, and disrespect often resume.

Love Bombing

One of the most dazzling, seductive, and confusing manipulations involves overwhelming the victim with intense attention, enthusiasm, and often lavish material gifts such as exotic trips, luxury hotels, jewelry, and more. Those who can’t afford extravagant gifts, do this verbally: “You’re the only one who makes me happy,” or “I’ve never felt this way with anyone, especially so quickly.”

It is characterized by frequent contact, intense emotional connection, and generous gestures, especially at the beginning of the relationship. Research shows that the initial love bombing phase typically lasts about three months, although there are exceptions.

After this phase, when the narcissist feels that they have secured the victim, things often take a turn: the excitement fades, emotional abuse begins, or they suddenly seem bored or uninterested.

The victim, dazzled by the initial attention and unable to understand the shift, often tries to win back the connection, even in the face of growing mistreatment.

Be careful- it’s addictive!

In upcoming articles, we’ll discuss the addictive cycle of these relationships. A healthy relationship develops at a moderate pace, built on mutual respect and trust, constructed layer by layer.

Cognitive (Dark) Empathy

Another confusing form of manipulation is cognitive empathy, sometimes called dark empathy, because it doesn’t come from the heart but rather from calculated reasoning. The goal, like all manipulations, is to pull the victim back into the relationship.

Some narcissists know that to connect with others, they must appear empathetic, and so they learn to mimic it. They’ll say, “I understand…mmm,” smile, or make a concerned facial expression at the right moments.

You may believe this is someone who truly understands you, and therefore assume they can’t be narcissistic. But be alert! This type of empathy is shallow. It doesn’t dive into the depth of your feelings, it may feel a bit cold, calculated, or even slightly judgmental.

A truly empathetic person does not seek admiration, however a person using dark empathy wants you to believe they are exceptional, enjoys your admiration, and even encourages it.

In the next article, we’ll complete the discussion of narcissistic manipulations.

Dr. Ada Michal Weinstein is a certified psychodrama therapist specializing in narcissism and works among with victims of narcissists..