The Path to Inner Strength: How Self-Compassion Leads to Compassion for Others

Aside from times of peace, joy, and pleasure, life also bringsa  us challenges and situations that can feel impossible to digest. A person may experience humiliation and deep emotional wounds inflicted by those around them.

Insults, criticism, and harsh remarks make can make an individual feel worthless. This can also result in feel physical weakness and a lack of motivation. Every emotional wound eventually stirs anger- first internal, and then external- directed at the person who caused it.

In that emotional space, it becomes extremely difficult to see any redeeming qualities in the person who triggered such distress, or to feel any compassion toward someone who stirred up such turmoil within.

We must recognize that our anger isn’t truly about the content of what was said to us, but about the feelings those words triggered inside. Someone touched on our raw, vulnerable spaces- the hidden, shadowy parts of ourselves that we haven’t fully accepted. The very existence of those parts angers us.

This is the reason that we get angry at the other person- we blame them for the emotional pain we’re experiencing. Beneath the surface however, we’re often angry with ourselves.

As long as we don’t give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and don’t work on strengthening our inner self-worth, self-acceptance, and respect for our own presence, we won’t be able to give that benefit to others.

When I truly believe in my inner strength, affirm my own existence in my own eyes, and am no longer in conflict with my own weaknesses, then external insults, humiliation, or criticism can no longer penetrate me. I have the ability to create a boundary between myself and the other, recognizing that their words come from their inner world.

I can begin to shift my focus from myself to them and try to understand them from their perspective. I begin to feel compassion when I reflect on their emotional state, their history, the beliefs they were raised with, and realize that their behavior or words are simply the product of past experiences and circumstances.

From that place, it becomes easier to feel empathy for them and to judge them favorably, because I am not emotionally entangled with their words or behavior.

The path to judging others favorably begins with our ability to judge ourselves favorably: to see ourselves as strong, confident beings. This strengthens our psychological resilience against emotional harm and ultimately, allows us to view others with greater compassion and understanding.

​Inbal Elhayani, M.A., is a certified NLP practitioner, a guided imagery therapist, writer, and lecturer.