Turn On the Light: Understanding and Overcoming Fear

We encounter it every single day. It walks with us every step of the way, watches our steps so we don’t stumble, and saves us countless times from harm.

Have you ever stopped to think about fear?

If fear is positive and essential, why do we view it so negatively? Why does it cause us to feel stuck and defeated?

Indeed, fear is designed to stop us. Its job is to protect us and prevent danger. The problem is that fear tends to expand until it completely paralyzes us.

Fear often leads us to behave according to the Talmudic principle of "sit and do nothing", which instructs us that it is better to refrain from action when uncertain. However, Jewish law applies this principle only when we truly don’t know what we should be doing. When there is a way to find out, we are obligated to seek clarity and act accordingly.

The fear of darkness is reasonable. We don't want to bump into anything or to fall and get hurt. On a dark construction site, we wouldn't run- we would first feel around, cautiously check our surroundings, and look for a light switch.

This is precisely what we must do with every fear we face. The first step is to find the switch and turn on the light.

We do this by asking ourselves What am I afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? The answers to these questions often dissolve much of the fear and open the path to progress.

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov taught that every limitation a person faces originates in the mind. We rationalize our fear with excuse after excuse, convincing ourselves something is impossible or unrealistic. But in truth, we simply need to walk forward as if nothing is in our way, and we’ll discover it was just an illusion.

While we’re talking about turning on the light, allow me to share a perspective I’ve encountered as a coach.

Vision work is one of the most significant stages in the coaching process. The client chooses the meaning they assign to their life, how they want to live it, and the values they want to build it upon. It includes a complete vision of their future, down to the technical details and action steps.

Naturally, when someone begins to deeply explore their life and future, a wide range of emotions arise, including fear.

Not long ago, I was preparing one of my clients to write his vision. At the end of the session, he shared that he was feeling afraid. I gave him a question to reflect on: Are you afraid of failure, or of success? Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Why would anyone fear success? We spend all day depressed over our failures, frustrated over unrealized dreams, and when that hope is within reach, we’re afraid?

As surprising as it sounds, fear often follows the unknown. For many of us, success is the unknown and outside our comfort zone. We don’t have much experience there, so we fear it more than failure.

For my client, there was another layer- something many of us share, but in his case, it was especially strong.

One of his most beautiful qualities is that he always ensures that everyone around him feels completely comfortable. But that desire can lead us to highlight our own shortcomings, or worse, it can stop us from succeeding altogether. We tell ourselves, What right do I have to be happy, wealthy, fulfilled, and thriving…when the people around me aren’t?

This type of thinking doesn’t help anyone. We all deserve to receive the abundance this amazing world has to offer, and when we embrace that, we inspire others to do the same.

For yourself, your family, and for the entire world, get up and turn on the light in your life. Show others how to do it too, so that we can bring more light into the world.

Pini Brunner is a coach using the "Jewish Coaching" method.