Cultivating a Positive Mindset on the Journey to Motherhood

Sometimes, the longing and yearning for a child are so intense that they increase stress, tension, and anxiety, which only make it harder on our bodies to prepare for pregnancy. The goal is to break the cycle of negative emotions that only lead to sadness and despair. How do we do that?

Remember that everything is from Him - Precisely in the moments when we feel darkness, and begin to doubt Divine Providence, is the time to remind ourselves that everything is from Him. He is the One who matches couples, grants viable seed, health, and both spiritual and material abundance. We can pray, ask, make efforts, and act wisely.

Think positively - Focus on the good and all the blessings that the Creator has already given you. Gratitude and recognition of the good are important concepts that should be applied practically every day.

Each morning, make a list of five good things in your life for which you thank the Creator. This infuses personal meaning into the morning prayer of Modeh Ani. You can repeat the same list each morning or add and diversify it over time, helping you to notice the good and positive more broadly. An added challenge is to expand the list to ten things! You’ll be surprised how, once you begin and stay consistent, you’ll become more positive and more aware of G-d’s daily guidance in your life.

If you feel sadness or stress during the day, read your list and even add to it. It isn't helpful to deny emotions by saying “I’m not sad” when you actually are. 

Focus consciously on the positive instead of the negative, and that alone will influence your subconscious. It’s incorrect to assume that only the subconscious influences us- scientists have proven what rabbis have taught long ago: the conscious mind also influences the subconscious. Choose to focus on the positive and the good that exists in your life, and this will positively affect your subconscious. Recognize that this is your choice!

Focus on what you do want- not on what you don’t. Rav Kook said, “You are where your thoughts are. Be sure your thoughts are where you want to be.” If we focus on the positive and on the outcomes we hope for- such as a blessed pregnancy- we are more likely to experience emotions such as joy, peace, and happiness, which are key to preparing the body and soul for conception. This is not “cheap psychology”, but in fact how things work! “In the way a person wants to go, he is led.” If you choose to focus on the positive, you’ll attract more positivity and abundance. But if you focus on the negative, you might draw negativity into your life and, G-d forbid, distance yourself from the very things you long for.

Whenever you feel sadness, anxiety, frustration, or any negative emotion, focus on the positive aspects of your life. Think about someone you love, a moment that brought you joy, a moving experience, or the small things that bring a smile to your face.

Find a positive affirmation you can repeat to yourself whenever negative emotions arise. I use the phrase, “Thank You that I am becoming more positive every day.” This way, I’m thanking G-d and focusing on positivity. You can say things like, “Thank You that I’m getting stronger every day,” “Thank You that I’m happier every day,” “Thank You that I’m healthier every day,” etc. Choose one short and powerful sentence that will stay with you especially during difficult times.

Say it first thing in the morning (after Modeh Ani) and right before sleep, as at these times our defenses are lower, and we have a better chance of influencing the subconscious. It’s important to say the affirmation out loud- not necessarily loudly, but in a soft, prayer-like voice that you can hear. Hashem created the world through speech, and it has immense power to create reality.

Stick with it for 40 days - The number 40 is significant in Judaism and is also meaningful in forming new habits. If you practice these techniques for 40 days, you will begin to see real behavioral change, and you’ll genuinely start to feel more positive.

For all the skeptics, it is possible to control our thoughts! If we allow our negative thoughts to control us, we may end up in negative places that are unlikely to help us reach our goals. This requires awareness, training, consistency, patience, and a lot of faith! But G-d willing, you will bear fruit faster through this positive path. As this approach becomes a part of who you are, they will also help you build a home rooted in positivity, faith, and gratitude.

Wishing you great success!