Breaking the Silence: from Denial to Healing

Sam sat across from me with blank eyes and a cold stare. He remained silent. His face showed signs of deep pain and distress.

“Why did you come to see me?” I asked him. He told me he struggles socially, that it’s very hard for him to trust others, and he wants to help himself.

We began a therapeutic process, and along the way, I discovered that Sam had grown up in a home marked by severe violence. This had caused him deep and complex trauma, resulting in depression, low self-esteem, and a general inability to function.

As we continued, I noticed something striking. He described very painful events from his past without showing any emotion. It was bizarre to hear someone talk about such harsh experiences in such a flat, casual tone. As an outsider listening, I was horrified by what he shared.

The reason for this, I came to understand, lies in the psychological defense mechanisms we all have- the coping strategies the mind uses to protect itself. Sam's primary defense was denial. He found it difficult to grasp that the violence he endured was unacceptable, unjustified, and deeply harmful. This stemmed from his inability to cope with the thought that he had grown up in such a dysfunctional environment.

He preferred instead to deny the severity of the situation, telling himself it was okay, that he’d moved on, that it was behind him. However, I saw a broken man, still in distress.

Sam felt like something was wrong with him. He frequently blamed himself, convinced he wasn’t good enough, without understanding why he felt this way.

Throughout the therapeutic process, he slowly began to view himself from a different perspective. He began to see that he was, in fact, perfectly okay, but had been treated in an inappropriate and harmful way that robbed him of his self-belief and self-love.

After several months of challenging therapy, where we worked hard to rebuild his self-image and strengthen his inner resources (of which he had many), I began to see signs of progress. He showed up to sessions more relaxed, open, and smiling.

He told me that his place in the world now feels more secure, and that it’s easier for him to communicate with others, and himself.

Ariel Goldstein is an emotional therapist from the "My Soul in My Question" department.

Suffering from depression, anxiety, and low mental state? Contact the "My Soul in My Question" department at HIDABROOT. For advice call 073-3333331 or email nafshi@htv.co.il