Understanding Emotional Weakness in Children: Causes, Consequences, and Healing Strategies

Emotional weakness is the inability to bear the reality of crisis situations. It reflects a lack of internal tools and inner strength to cope with trauma, difficulty, or any moment requiring decisions and acceptance.

Children who suffer from emotional weakness- often because they were never required to build emotional resilience at a young age- will likely carry that same fragility into adulthood.

A child with emotional weakness will have difficulty tolerating frustration. They don’t know what it’s like not to get what they want.
They cry often, constantly seek help for even the smallest challenges, become deeply dependent on those around them and often want others to make their decisions. They don’t see themselves as capable of handling their own problems.

Such children struggle to form a solid, consistent worldview. They often feel unbalanced in their personal lives, which significantly blocks their ability to progress. Worst of all, they carry within them weakening, negative thoughts about themselves, fed by their emotional fragility. They give up quickly on their goals and desires when they sense difficulty or effort is required.

What Causes Emotional Weakness?

The root often lies in patterns of parental interaction. This is not about blaming the parents, but about recognizing that we live in a world of development, where each stage depends on what came before it. To understand the roots of emotional weakness in a child, we need to take a step back and look at the dynamic between the child and their parents.

Children with emotional weakness are overwhelmed by doubts, inner conflict, confusion, and uncertainty, because they were never asked to make decisions for themselves or confront difficult realities. Their parents were always there to do it for them. Later, when such a child stands at a crossroads, they often realize they lack the tools, knowledge, strength, or insight to act. The fear of consequences in any decision becomes paralyzing. They freeze. The mind floods with questions: What should I do? What if I make a mistake? Did I do the right thing?

What Can a Parent Do?

When I, as a parent, face my child’s refusal to do something I asked, I need two core insights:

1. I must stand firm and acknowledge that my child’s opposition is a crisis- for me. It’s my job to contain it.
2. I must use that frustrating moment as a chance to build inner strength in my child, to help them develop a tool that will serve them next time they face something difficult.

For example, if I tell my child it’s bedtime and they refuse, without awareness I may respond in one of two ineffective ways:

• Option 1: Give in and let them sleep whenever they want to avoid confrontation.
  The result: I fail to contain the emotional moment. The child learns they can always get what they want. They never learn to deal with "no," or to tolerate frustration or effort.

• Option 2: Respond with force, demanding they go to bed.
  The result: I raise a submissive child with no backbone, who can’t express their opinion or set boundaries.

What is the Ideal Approach?

Hold your ground and contain the moment. Let the child feel your “no” without panic. Let them experience that sometimes reality doesn’t match their wishes, and help them carry that disappointment. You can walk them to bed, read a story, and make the process pleasant. This demonstrates that you’re not afraid of their emotions, and you help them process the frustration that resulted from not getting what they wanted.

Impulsive parenting- whether indulgent or authoritarian- reflects the emotional weakness of the parent. It’s critical for a parent to recognize this and realize: “I’m reacting this way because I don’t have the internal tools to handle my child’s resistance.” Both overindulgence and excessive control stem from the same place of emotional fragility and faulty thinking.

What Happens When Emotional Weakness Dominates?

The doubts and confusion that result from emotional weakness freeze a person’s inner world and rob them of a stable identity.
These individuals become emotionally flat, unstable, and unbalanced in the face of life’s challenges. Growing up in an overly controlling or overly indulgent environment removes the need to choose, struggle, decide, and learn through experience.

With time, this causes overthinking- constantly thinking about life, but not living it. They don’t experience life, they analyze it. In that state, faith is impossible, because crisis feels stronger than you and threatens your very existence.

The Solution?

Understand that there is a root reality beyond the crisis you’re facing. Try to connect to that deeper, good root, even if you don’t fully understand it right now. Understand that feeling frustrated is natural, and even essential. From frustration comes growth.

Engage in action. Action connects us to real life, lets us engage the world firsthand, and teaches us about the inner tools we didn’t know we had. Develop self-awareness and don’t fight your negative thoughts. Instead, strengthen the truth: You were created in the divine image. The world was made for you. You are unique. Every negative thought is temporary, fed by a moment of weakness.

When used positively, imagination can also uplift you. It allows your inner perspective to rise and you learn that there’s more to life than what your eyes see. Every crisis may be here to announce the arrival of something better- often it’s a deeper strength within you waiting to be revealed.

This article is based on the lectures of Dr. Michael Aboulafia (Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist) along with added insights.

Inbal Elhayani, M.A., is a certified NLP and guided imagery practitioner, writer, and lecturer.