When Reality Feels Distant: A Journey Through Dissociation

He came into my clinic, sat down firmly, and said, "There’s no way you’ll understand what I’m going through." I told him I’d try, and we’d see how we could move forward.

Avi was a sociable, smiling, energetic guy. On the surface, nothing seemed wrong. I asked him why he came to see me.

He said, "First of all, promise me you won’t laugh at me." I replied that I’d do my best.

He began: "Lately, I feel disconnected from reality- like I’m floating, this strange feeling. I don’t feel present in the moment, and it really bothers me."

He went on to say that what frustrates him most is that no one notices his distress, which only intensifies his frustration, helplessness, and sense of loneliness- nobody knows what he's going through.

I tried to understand more clearly what he was experiencing. He told me he feels as if it’s not really him speaking, that something automatic takes over. Everything he does feels mechanical, he feels no connection to what’s happening to him, and he feels detached from his own identity.

Because of this, he avoids talking to people, and spends a lot of time thinking. But his thoughts are like a whirlpool pulling him deeper, further from the shore of reality and normalcy.

This disorder is defined in the DSM as a dissociative disorder, which manifests in sensations of disconnection, such as feeling separated from one’s body- as if someone else is doing the actions. It can feel like a dream- viewing the world through a fog- or unfamiliarity, where the person cannot recognize people or places they should know, even in familiar settings.

This disorder can appear during prolonged anxiety, following past trauma, or in cases of personality fragmentation.

During our sessions, we uncovered that he was under constant stress, and his body was therefore reacting this way as a defense mechanism. While not dangerous, this can certainly be uncomfortable and frightening.

What increased his anxiety were his obsessive thoughts of “When will this end?” and “How do I get out of this?”

In order to make these dissociative episodes disappear, Avi needed to allow them to be there instead of trying to change them- because trying to force them away only heightened the fear when he was unsuccessful.

We came to understand that the problem doesn’t lie in the thought itself, but in the attachment to the thought. As part of the process, we practiced letting the thoughts remain in his mind for extended periods, and even intentionally brought up such thoughts, as unpleasant as they were.

The moment Avi realized he could stay within the chaos and that nothing bad would happen, he embarked on a new path, finally feeling calm and free.

Ariel Goldstein is an emotional therapist from the "Nafshi B'She'elati" department.

Suffering from depression, anxiety, and low mental states? Contact the "Nafshi B'She'elati" department at Hidabroot. For advice, call 073-3333331 or emailsarap@htv.co.il