How to Reduce Anxiety and Feel More in Control: A Practical Guide to Stress, Worry, and Inner Peace

It's no surprise, that a person who feels capable is far less anxious about the future. When an individual has the belief that they can handle whatever they are faced with, they are able to feel calm and grounded. Worry and dread are the result of assuming that we are not equipped to deal with the challenges of life. 

It is therefore of great importance to focus on your strengths. By highlighting what you can do and where you’ve succeeded in the past, it becomes easier to trust your ability to face future challenges. A person with a positive mindset understands that life is, in the words of the classic work Sefer HaYashar, a “desert of hardship.” Even so, they believe that they have the inner resources and wisdom to navigate it. The more a person strengthens their positive traits, the more empowered and less helpless they feel.

Perception Shapes Pressure

Much of the stress we experience comes from the way we perceive life. A person who approaches life with a negative outlook tends to see the future as dark and threatening, which results in anxiety. On the other hand, one who sees life in brighter colors feels less pressure, because they trust that healing always comes before hardship.

Indeed, how we view the present and future is heavily influenced by our past experiences. If our past was filled with disappointment or trauma, we’ll naturally paint the future in darker shades. If however we've experienced many positive moments, we’ll be more inclined to view the future with hope. Positive experiences shape the heart, and the heart shapes how we interpret reality. As the verse says, “Guard your heart above all else, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Positive Moments Are a Choice

Even in the midst of a demanding routine, we can carve out small moments that add joy, such as a short walk, quality time with loved ones, a fascinating book, or a hobby. Accumulating positive experiences slowly shifts our entire worldview, and naturally lowers our stress levels.

A person struggling with anxiety should consider cutting down on their exposure to negative or distressing content. Reducing mental clutter makes room for emotional calm.

Rewriting Your Inner Script

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm taught that the difference between a righteous person and a wicked one lies in the power of imagination. The righteous person envisions the beauty and meaning of a life rooted in values, whereas the wicked one focuses on the superficial gains of worldly distractions. The takeaway is powerful: imagination is a gift, and we get to choose how we use it. The mental images we create directly affect our emotions, and ultimately, our behavior.

If you want to lower your stress, start with the way you picture your life, and especially with the words you use to describe it. Words matter. Many people exaggerate the intensity of their problems, which throws everything out of proportion. They say: “This is a disaster,” “That’s disgusting,” “I hate this,” “I’m losing my mind,” “I’m starving to death.”

These are all borrowed phrases. No person is literally going insane or dying of hunger on the spot, but these words still affect us. The language we use- especially in our internal dialogue- feeds our emotions. Harsh or extreme expressions fuel negativity and reinforce the perception that life is unbearable, which leads to more anxiety and lower functioning.

Instead, try gentler, more balanced language. Phrases like “It’s hard, but I can handle it” or “It’s unpleasant, but not the end of the world” create space for composure and clarity. Of course, it’s harder to change our tone in the heat of the moment. We therefore need to practice this habit during calmer times. If we learn to use moderate language regularly, it becomes our default even when stress hits.

Worry in Moderation

It’s important to recognize that most of our worries don't actually materialize. If we were to track our thoughts over time, we’d find that over 70% of the things we stress about never happen. Imagine how much emotional energy we could save if we weren’t wasting it on phantom fears. That energy could go toward action, creativity, and connection.

Sometimes, excessive worry is a disguised form of self-harm. People who have endured pain or injustice may carry deep, unspoken anger, and instead of expressing it, they internalize it. That inner turmoil can then take the form of chronic worry, which quietly chips away at their well-being.

In other cases, worry is tied to a fear of abandonment- whether it’s the fear of losing a job, a partner, or a family. That fear can lead to obsessive overthinking about the people or things we’re afraid to lose.

Anxiety can also serve as a distraction from deeper, more pressing fears. A person might obsess over minor worries because it’s easier than confronting the real issues- like a failing relationship with their kids or uncertainty about their future. Minor stress becomes a smoke screen.

Another pattern is fear of success. Some people are so afraid that if life gets “too good,” a crash is bound to come. They therefore unconsciously sabotage their own growth by focusing on stress and fear, holding themselves back from true progress.

A Healthy Relationship with Worry

The right approach isn’t to eliminate worry entirely, but to put it in proportion. A person who never worries at all may be irresponsible. A responsible person should care about the consequences of their actions and think ahead, but they also need to know the difference between wise concern and paralyzing, obsessive thoughts. That distinction is critical.

Over time, some individuals begin identifying with their stress and it becomes part of their personal brand- “the anxious one,” “the worrier”, etc. Recognizing that pattern can be the first step toward rewriting it. You’re not defined by your anxiety, and you don’t have to keep playing that role.

Security vs. Surrender

There’s a powerful message hidden in the story of the Tower of Babel. That generation wanted to build towers to the sky to protect themselves from another flood. They craved total security. In response, G-d scattered them. In a world that is intended to be dynamic and temporary, the pursuit of absolute control is actually a kind of curse.

In contrast, G-d said to Abraham: “Go forth…and you will be a blessing.” The call wasn’t to build fortresses of safety, but to step into the unknown with faith. The blessing comes not from chasing comfort, but from surrendering to a higher purpose. 

This is the paradox: the more you try to control everything, the more anxious you feel. The more you let go- mindfully and responsibly- the more peace you allow in.