The Courage to Grow: How Gradual Change Builds Lasting Strength

As mentioned in previous articles, extreme decisions in life generally do not stem from courage, but from impulsiveness. True courage is thoughtful and measured, and drives a person to move through gradual and consistent processes while steadily pursuing the goals they’ve set. The long and patient route is often the shortest and most effective.

For example, a person suffering from social anxiety can’t just wake up one morning and instantly become socially comfortable. Trying to do so will likely result in failure, which may only deepen their fear of future social interactions. In that case, not only would they not be healing, but may be harming themselves.

If this person decides to dedicate five minutes a day to speaking with someone, that is a balanced, courageous step. Five minutes is manageable, and over time, these small successes will build confidence. A week later, they can increase the time to ten minutes, and so on. The risk is worth the reward.

Both the impulsive and the courageous aim for the same goal. But while the impulsive person wants to reach it instantly, the courageous person is willing to walk the road- they don’t seek a quick fix, but a sustainable solution. The impulsive person denies the complexity of reality, while the courageous one embraces it, and grows from it, gradually pushing beyond their limits.

Training in Determination

Studies have followed people categorized in youth as either emotionally expressive or not. Years later, those who were expressive turned out to be more confident, courageous, proactive, and successful.

A confident person isn’t someone without fear, but someone who doesn’t fear their fear, whereas the insecure person, fears fear itself. Brave people don’t bottle up emotions- they feel them, express them, and manage them.

To overcome chronic hesitation, it’s important to train by making small, quick decisions each day. For instance, decide ahead of time to make two fast choices daily in areas where you tend to hesitate.

If unsure whether to eat first or call someone, a chronic overthinker will weigh pros and cons endlessly, wasting five minutes on a decision that can take five seconds. Not surprisingly, this mental overload exhausts them.

The solution is to practice making fast decisions of five seconds max, even flipping a coin if necessary, to teach your mind that life can go on even without perfect clarity. Over time, this strengthens your “decision muscle” and builds a lifestyle free from paralyzing indecision.

Eventually, you’ll internalize that life doesn’t require absolute certainty to move forward. In fact, life without perfect answers can be happier because “there is no joy like the resolution of doubt".

Productive Impulsiveness

A beautiful idea from Rabbi Zvi Pesach Frank (Mikraei Kodesh, Sukkot III) ties together the ideas of decision-making, courage, and healthy impulsiveness.

When the Israelites said, “We will do and we will hear” (naaseh v’nishma), G-d exclaimed: “Who revealed this secret to My children- this is the way of the angels!” We understand from this that urgency and eagerness, though often seen as faults, can sometimes be great virtues.

In our Prayer for Rain, we describe ourselves as “impulsive like water.” This refers to a positive impulsiveness, the willingness to say naaseh v’nishma- to act first out of commitment, and then understand.

The Talmud in Beitzah 25b says the Jewish people are bold like a dog. The Maharsha explains that just as a dog may bark at an elephant despite having no chance of defeating it, so too the Jewish people act boldly out of spiritual commitment, regardless of apparent logic or odds.

Why is this positive? Sometimes we know what’s right, but our heart hesitates. In such moments, we must decide first and trust that clarity will follow. Don’t wait for the heart to feel fully aligned before acting- act, and the heart will follow. It is through action, decision, and routine, that we begin to embody the person we aspire to be.